A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:Hi all, I'm a 16 year old female that has just started college and is having some issues. I am on a male dominated course and I know a boy on their from my old school. We got on really well at school but now we're at college he's trying everything he can to annoy/upset me so he looks tough (?) the other day he said "at least I'm not a f*cking paki like you"The thing is I'm from a traveller background my grandparents (now deceased) where gypsy and my mum was raised in a trailer until she married a non traveller and moved into a house. Out of all this generation in my family (my sister and all cousins) I am the only one with the "traditional " gypsy features: olive skin, dark hair and green eyes. I follow from my mother and my grandmother. No one knows I come from this background due to the negative stereotypes that come with it and you wouldn't think I had gypsy blood u less I told you.My mum thinks it's racist for him to call me that and says I should report him but I think that will make things harder and more awkward, please help me decide what to do!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2015): I think this guy has taken a turn for the worst.Perhaps he has overheard guys saying they would like to date you and he is feeling resentful and small because he sees them as smarter,richer, smoother than he is .Whatever the reason he has turned nasty and invested in a burst of foulmouthoism.At least what?What was his problem that got him aereated and was he alone when he made that stupid remark.It is a meaningless remark of course..its just a little burst of temper that jumped out of his mouth to annoy you.You could have returned the insult that it was intended to be with any old remark.You could have said"at least i dont get my knickers in a twist over any old thing unlike you!"But i expect you were floored for a minute,and if he knew about your secret gypsie heritage you were probably gobsmaked at his blatant betrayal.You now know this guy has a short fuse but you dont know why.As you were previous associates if not friends and it has bothered you to the extent that you'd write in, i think you should seek out your student councillor and have a word, telling then that you cant imagine why he has tried to insult you.The student counsellor will have some good ideas and may have a word with yout friend in private to try to sort out why he's holding a grudge.Possibly he cant keep up with the work or something has gone wrong at home.It wont be wasteful because the boy will come to his senses and apologise but if left unchecked he may carry on being rude and offensive.Make it clear he upset you and you are not going to stand for it.Its not a matter for the high courts but it is uncalled for and the year would run smoother if he could clean up his act and stop taking his problems out on you.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2015): You shouldn't be ashamed of your olive skin and green eyes. Who wouldn't want to have those features? Boycott him as though he doesn't exist.If he approaches you again in the future demand an apology from him.In the mean time concentrate on your studies and excel in them. That would be the best answer to his stupid remark.
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (1 October 2015):
 Maybe not report it if it was a one off. Report it if it continues. Steer clear and if he asks why tell him that you don't appreciate or deserve to be spoken to in that manner, preferring to surround your self with less negative and rude people.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2015): Be very proud of your Gypsy heritage, I have olive skin, dark hair, green eyes, never hide your roots. Regarding the insult he is an ignorant and foolish young boy. We are all different and take offence in different ways. My way of dealing with this would be, 'you can't even get a racist remark correct how dumb is that' This may do the trick for a young naive ignorant fool, and warn him that if he ever makes a remark like this again you will report him for racist insults.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (30 September 2015):
 "Ah, yes, I heard that what you call f*cking pakis took a vote and they'd prefer to be bullied by a guy with a bigger dick."
Don't actually say that to this sadly racist individual. But think it. Remember it.
One thing that bullies hope is that their victims take it and keep it secret.
So start to put some sunshine, some sunlight onto this.
I would write down everything he has said about you and to you (in your hearing) including dates and times.
Don't let a racist win, mkay?
What is your college's stance on bullying and racism? I would pop into the counselor's office and ask that question.... nicely and without too many details.
If you think the adults who are teaching you don't see things like this happening, you are wrong. What most hardworking and underpaid teachers do is hope that you can handle it yourself. If you can't? Ask for help.
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A
female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (30 September 2015):
what a scumbag he is. You have nothing to be ashamed of and you have proven just how hardworking and capable you are by being on this course. I would pick some fault of his and come up with something to say next time he even tries to undermine you. He is clearly insecure, immature and pathetic. If it gets worse dont be afraid to seek advice and help in college though. Best wishes
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (30 September 2015):
 It was an ignorant, stupid AND racist remark, and for THAT alone I'd cut him off. He is no longer a friend and you need to STOP being his punching bag, so he can look good in the eyes of the other guys.
I would want nothing to do with him.
I'd give him a "free pass" THIS time, but next time? No, I would report him. However, you might not get a lot of help and support at your school. It is kind of expected that by the time kids are in college they can handle themselves (which we all know... bullies come in ALL shapes, sizes and ages) - it doesn't mean that I think you should just bend over and take his racist remark, ever.
Personally, I'd probably find some "nice" scathing sarcastic remarks about his intellect to retort with. Because he's GOTTA be dumb to think calling someone "paki" makes him look good/tough.
On a side note, honey. I was bullied in school because I took AP classes with older students and because my hair was white. Bullies will find ANYTHING to use as ammo, if you show them how little you CARE about their words and them, they usually find other "targets" - I used humor and sarcasm a LOT and if they messed with me I wasn't afraid to kick some tail( and this went on from 5 grade and up) By the time I was in 8th grade I had older kids practically begging me to help with homework.
Don't roll over and let this moron shame you for how you look or your background. THERE is nothing wrong with coming from a traveller or ANY other background, it's not like you can change it anyways - you are who you are, because of those who came BEFORE you. Hold your head up proud. So while he might have been nice in the past HE is no longer worth your time or friendship.
He sounds like a pathetic little ignorant twat-waffle.
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A
female
reader, howcomehoney  +, writes (30 September 2015):
 Hi!
His remark was, indeed, pretty gross. In your situation I'd probably leave it for now and stay away from him as much as possible in the circumstances. If he keeps on making that kind of comment to you, then yes, report it, but if it was a one-time thing just drop it and stay away from him.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (30 September 2015):
 Whether his remark was racist or not it was tasteless, but that said, I think you need to pick your battles. Is this guy's opinion that important?
What exactly would you want to have happen if you did report him?
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