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female
,
anonymous
writes: I have been dating my partner for two years now. It began as a friendship and after quite sometime developed into a love relationship. This was intentional on my part as I wanted to be sure before committing myself totally. I am deeply in love with him and he says that he loves me. However, whenever we are out together he is always looking at other women to the point of exchanging glances and smiles. I have found this very hurtful and tried to explain to him that it makes me feel insecure and humiliated and for a time he stopped but he is doing it all the more now and if I say anything he gets really angry. I don't say anything now because as he says 'its childish of me' but dread going out with him because I know what will happen. Its just all very depressing and although it breaks my heart, I don't see any future in the relationship any more. Am I being totally unrealistic and too demanding by showing my insecurities?
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female
reader, Manya  +, writes (9 October 2006):
Well, I know the feeling and it's happened to me. You'rewith your guy feeling proud and happy, and then he's smiling atsomeone else. It's !@##$$%%%!!!!!! Well, at least he's not asking for their phone number!(Not that that will cheer you up!) His actions may be harmless, he mayjust be the extroverted type -- like say you were dating a moviestar -- but if it makes you feel bad and he doesn't validate yourfeelings about this saying it's "childish" then he may not be deserving of how deeply you love him.
A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (9 October 2006):
 There are a couple of issues here. (1) He is not being respectful towards you and if I was on a date with him I would walk out, (2) He knows that by getting angry it is the way to control you into silence and still get away with looking elsewhere (that is called emotional control bordering on abuse). So, those are his issues...your issues are feeling insecure (you wouldn't feel bad about the other ladies if you felt 100% ok with yourself and the relationship). Some men don't seem to be able to help themselves from looking elsewhere - it doesn't mean they will cheat, it just means they like to look! However, this is clearly bothering you and, to be honest, you have a right to be bothered. I wouldn't say it means the demise of your relationship - you just have to stand up for what you want and if he gets angry so what? I would get angry back to make it clear that I expect certain standards of behaviour...you should be the centre of his attention and while the odd glance at other women is alright in my book, if he is slobbering over the table tell him to take a walk and get a boyfriend who treats you nicely. Good luck!
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