A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend of nearly a decade recently asked me to marry him and I accepted. Just about a month later I now find that he's been watching shemale porn on the internet! He was certainly enjoying it too! When I confronted him he tried to deny it and then became angry that I was snooping and then moved on to try and pass it off as nothing more than a curiosity in what he called Kinky, for the shock factor porn. I gave it some thought and then apologized for the snooping and said that I understood but also expressed my fear and concern because of it. He said he was sorry, embarrassed and that it wouldn't happen again. I can't get it out of my mind now. I can't help but wonder if this has been going on for years or if he's even been with a shemale or a man. I'm worried about marrying him now! I can't even have sex with him since this happened 2 days ago. I am over come with jealousy and dread that he might someday leave me for a man/shemale. How can I go on? Can I believe that this was just a curiosity? Do a lot of men have this curiosity and can still be straight enough to marry? Stranger yet is that before we got together I did date women. I guess you can say I am bisexual but I am faithful to him. I feel that I should be able to understand this curiosity, desire or what have you but I can't get over the jealousy and somewhat disgust of it. I don't think I can deal with being married to a bisexual male even though I myself am bisexual! HELP, I need some perspective.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2009): As a shemale enthusiast myself, I frequent some forums where both single and married men discuss this curiosity, and how the interest begins at porn and morphs into action.
I'd like nothing more than to hear you both watched some unusual stuff together and it brought you closer. But at the very least, as other posters said, he has fantasies he may want to act on. If he does, the most likely way to get started will be with prostitutes. This is especially accessible and common in large metropolitan areas. The point is you need to bring it out in the open and get comfortable with his fantasy, because if he feels ashamed he's going to push it even deeper and then you'll never know how far he's taken it. Better to at least know where you stand than live your life paranoid and in the dark.
To address your other questions, it seems quite common for most men to give shemale porn some fleeting attention, then the merely curious ones forget about it and the dedicated ones indulge their curiosity again and again.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2009): Hey, just came across this post and decided to give a quick reply. I myself watch shemale porn from time to time. Personally I have no desire/interest whatsoever in men. Shemale porn's main comsumer tends to be the straight male believe it or not, it is quite a normal porn viewing fetish. Theres plenty of research out there if you look around.
I have only ever dated or had sexual relationships with women. I intend to keep it that way also as women are my main sexual attraction. I have a feeling that maybe your partner is the same! Look at it this way, if you had fears that he was gay you would have found some "gay porn" right?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (24 August 2009):
 I think any guy with a curiosity and an open mind find Shemales very attractive. They are basically "chicks with dicks", so if they have fantasies about anal penetration it would feel "less" like being gay if the guy looked like a girl.. If that makes sense. I believe a LOT of men who are curious about "what gay guys do" would rather try it with someone who looks non-threatening and more female then with a guy who actually looks like a guy.
I think it is more about exploration then his actual sexual orientation.
You yourself call your self Bi-sexual, I think he might be bi-curious. Most likely he doesn't want to be gay but he is curious.
You two need to talk about SEX - about fantasies, about bounderies. Openly and honestly. AND before you marry.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2009): I know I should be more understanding but I bothers me is the thought that he could be thinking about men/shemales while having sex with me. I know what its like to have these desires and that they can be overwhelming to the point that you must try it. At least that's what it was like for me. I am scared he will eventually have to try this. If he does then I don't know that I can continue to be with him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2009): Your bisexual and your disgusted by him being bisexual? What is that about?
Secondly why the snooping?
Finally you have wondered if he wants or has had sex with a male or shemale, have you asked him?
I think as much as you dont want this to be a deal breaker, it ay be for you. That being the case you need some answers from him, not from us because we can offer advise based on one side of the story only.
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A
female
reader, smartnsexy +, writes (24 August 2009):
I think everyone has curiousities at some point. Try this... and keep an open mind.... ask him if you can watch with him. If he says no, it may be a side he can't share with you... it may be something later, but he may not be ready to be fully open with you. If he says no, then say maybe in future? Don't pressure, everyone needs their own time. This shouldn't be a deal breaker for a wedding. If you are going to marry, you need to learn to work through things, many things.
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