A
female
age
41-50,
*lyna
writes:hi, good day to anyone who is reading me. i wish there is anyone out there to give me suggestions to solve my problem. my problem is i met this guy in a chat room, and after that we grew really cloze. At first it was only friendship but i think now it involves a lot of feeling.When initially we met, both of us were going through a break up, mine a relationship that lasted for only 3 months but hez a relationship that lasted for 2 years. When i met him, i was in a bad condition, and he helped me out, and so did i. he was at a verge of destroying hez life being indulge in alcohol,neglecting ownself and much more.i changed hez mind, and now he seems much happyier, no more alcohol, looking good and back with hez family.. the problem is we both develop thz deep feelings towards each other. we care a lot for each other and we like each other a lot. But neither me nor him is admiting we are in love i think due to the past experience. And the other thing is, he keep on telling me that he likes me a lot, i mean so much to him, i am in hez mind all the time but he still cant get over hez exgirlfren.( hez exgirlfriend is married with a kid) there are times he will say, imagine we are married...and i cant sleep thinking of you, but when i start to prompt him further and ask wtz the feeling you have for me..he will say i dont know, like you so much but that girl is still in me. what do i do? i do like thz guy too. i am not sure if i love him. maybe i do. but whatz the use if he is still thinking of hez past and will not move on? at the same time, how can i help him to get her out of hez system and do consider me? it has been more than two years since that girl left him. and, does thz guy love me? i am confused....looking forward for a suggestion...thanks
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2007): It's been two years since his ex left him? And he still isn't over her? Do you really believe that? I've heard of taking your time to get over things but two years is pushing it a bit, don't you think? He is talking to you like he wants to be with you, yet talking about not letting go of his feelings for his ex who left him 2 years ago. You can't make him get over someone, although to be honest would you want to? How would you know if he ever was over her and really loved you? It sounds to me like he is using you to make himself feel better - I'm sorry to say that because I know you have feelings for him - but how else can you explain someone who says 'imagine we were married', then can't tell you if he likes you or not, then talks about his ex still being with him after two years. It sounds like he knows you really like him and that gives his ego a boost and he can't let that aspect go. I think you should sever all contact with him. You can't move on whilst you are like this, and surely you deserve more than to be someone's emotional springboard. Unless he starts paying you to be his counsellor, I wouldn't bother with giving him any more advice. He should sort his head out and stop leading you on. You sound great, really kind and patient, and certainly deserve more than his half baked ideas about 'getting over' his married ex. X
A
male
reader, dapone 1  +, writes (27 October 2007):
 hi elyna.
this situation is made harder because he will not move on from the old relationship,Because his thoughts are still with his ex and he wont move on, sorry to say it is doubtful that he can be in love with you, because he is still in love with her, maybe the best thing for you to do is not to fall in love with him, until the time comes when he has cleared his head of his ex altogether and moved on to you.
It will be difficult for you to change this situation, he must do it himself, or he will come to you and after a period of time will leave you and continue to believe he still has a chance of getting back to his ex, will not be possible if she is married with a child, i do not think.
if you are so keen on him you may have to wait a very long time, or you could just stay his friend and find yourself a boy friend who does not have this hang up, and will give himself to you.
hope this helps.
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