A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey (:so... there's this boy i really like. And he says he really likes me too.... but there's alot of problems.Firstly, he doesn't want a girlfriend. he invited me around to his house the other day, just as friends... and we ended up kissing and making out on his bed. We also started rubbing and groping eachother... but not much. after we just talked and kissed goodbye. When i came home, i went on MSN and he told me that he really liked me... but he just didn't want another girlfriend. because he's had so many... i didn't really understand, but accepted, because he means alot to me and i didn't want to get angry.Secondly, he's a flirt. He talks to so many girls, i get jealous. We don't go out, but we talk to eachother like we do. but sometimes when he flirts jokily with other girls... it really hurts. since we both admitted we liked eachother, i have felt completly faithful to him... but im not sure about him.I am supposed to be going to his house again next week. He told me he has condoms... and im not sure what to do to be honest. I really like him, and we've been close for quite long now, so i wouldn't mind, but my friends say that he's just using me. wanting me without the commitment. i dont know what to think anymore. I've grown so close to him, and talk to him everyday, i cant imagine my life without him... but is there any point trying if he might just be using me? He says he loves me and i mean alot to him... but i've never believed that. ive never been trusting of boys.Not many of my friends are supportive. even the ones who've known him longer than me. they say not to do anything more with him until he makes a commitment.. but i dont want to lose him just because he doesn't want a girlfriend. he makes me genuinley happy.im so confused on what to do. :\
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2010): i'm sorry to have to say this hun, but i honestly believe he is using you. i have been in a relationship too similar to this. if he doesnt want a girlfriend, than you cant make him commit, and even if he does, chances are its just a lie to get you to give him what he wants. if he is a great friend, i suggest keeping as such, just a friend.
simply said, you are asking for trouble if you continue to mess around with him with the hopes that he'll drop every other girl for you. you will get hurt, possibly very badly. i tried to do this with an ex of mine, he changed his tune to give me what i wanted (a relatioship), but he never stopped talking with, flirting to, or sleeping with other girls. he will go behind your back, or even right infront of you.
lastly, please please please be aware that if all he wants is sex, you need to be sure that you are or are not ok with that. if you are, i'd say you're one of the few. if you aren't, tell him so and DO NOT allow him to change your mind. you will suffer mental and emotional damage that takes years to repair if you allow him to manipulate you into being ok with having sex when you already know you're not. that is rape, it is very serious, the consequences for you would be devistating. you will start a cycle that would be extremely difficult to break. trust me, i know first hand. i just left a mentally and verbally abusive man, as i was leaving he tried to kill me. he is the worst and LAST in a string of progressively abusive relationships that all started because i gave in to one pathetic boy who wanted to use me and made me believe he cared then he raped me, several times, he never listened to "no" or "stop" or "dont" or "i dont want to".
if you go to boy's house next week, and you two start getting physical, and if you say no and he does anything but backs off and stops, i am begging you to run for the hills as fast as you can. but if you go and you are aware that all he wants is sex and you truely are ok with that, than i hope you take advantage of that and use him for anything you want from it and enjoy yourself completely.
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