A
female
age
36-40,
*ovebird
writes:hi there, i was wondering if i could have some advice about my current relationship. Basically, my boyfriend almost kissed a girl with whom he works with a few weeks ago. He said that they become very good friends and that he regreted what happened, felt quite bad about it and so he told me a few days after.We have been together for two years, we both love each other and even talked about having children together. He has never cheated on me until recently I have found out that he actually kissed that girl from his mobile messages. He said he didnt tell me, because he was trying to figure out why he kissed her.In the last month or two his behaviour has changed and I was thinking that the reason for that might be that girl at his workplace. Also, the week before I found those messages, he was hiding his mobile saying excuses that he will talk to me about why he is doing that and why his behavour has changed recently. I havent forgiven him and at the moment and he is telling me that he loves me and that he is still trying to figure out the reason for kissing that girl. I feel as I cant trust him anymore. Please help.
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cheated on me, kissing, workplace Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2007): I totally understand what you are going through because I myself am going through the same thing at this very moment.
The only difference is that he has never really talked much to this girl before and he told me that day. We are in the middle of decided whether or not we can be together. And I have to figure out if I can trust him again. It's tough and I do not know what I am going to do.
Know that you are not alone! And whatever you decide you will have people to help you along the way.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2007): If he told you about 'almost kissing' her it helps a bit. But he didn't tell you the whole truth. He could be confused or he could be lying. Does she know he is going out with you? Why not arrange to meet him near his workplace for lunch, calling in there to pick him up first.
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A
female
reader, Butterflyfly +, writes (16 August 2007):
 i say you have all the right in the world to pu thim on the spot to make a decision: her 100% ( no MAtter how serious or stupid their relation can/will be),or you 1000%.if he comes with you he will need to prove it and take your doubts away evry single time you are insecure, for you to regain the trust in him. it should be a breeze for him if he knows he wants you, and he shoul dbe grateful for the opportunity. if he is vague or plays the confused ' dont kow what's got into me' victim , walk away .... thank god this happened now and not later on after spending much much more time with him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2007): bravo! i totally agree with sweet-thing and if he really loved you he would have come home the night he kissed her and told you straight away.
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A
female
reader, Sweet-thing +, writes (16 August 2007):
 Have you asked him why he kissed that girl? He knows the answer. And it probably goes something like this; He's attracted to her. She may have made the first move. It fed his ego. He thought he could get away with it. Now he's feeling guilty and doesn't know how to handle it because he still has to see her every day (at work) and he is probably still attracted to her. So now he's confused. Stay with the loyal girlfriend, or go for some new hot chick at the office. Men are never good at making decisions like this. Maybe you can make it easy on him. Tell him he has two choices; he can have his little fling and you will pack your bags and move on with your life, or he can learn how to say "no" to the "little general" who is no doubt driving this boatride, and learn some self-control - meaning no more contact with the girl at work (other than actual work-related discussions) no more texting, no more phone calls and no more KISSING.
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