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*motional
writes: my husband and i have been together 4 16years. we have 4 children and have been having problems 4 the last 2 yrs. we had major bust up about him keeping on phoning and receiving calls daily from another woman. this ended with him leaving our home with my eldest son who idolises him,taking with him my house and mobile phones cancelling all direct debits,my car keys to his car,my bank cards and emptied our joint accounts. although he was back the next day after staying at his moms, a week later i overheard a conversation between him and his mom,who refered to me as though i was something she had stepped in.he later admitted that all his family had run me down behind my back 4 many years and that they had never accepted me.what i cant get over is this is a man who proclaims to really love me and yet has never done or said anything to stand up 4 me, in fact quite the opposite. his only reply when asked why was i dont know i just wanted things to run smooth. i feel i have been shattered and dont know who to talk to ihave no-one. he says i have to trust him and that it wont happen again,but i cant and it is destroying me. what do i do? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2006): Well i say you shud divorce him, however.....bear in mind how hard this will be for your children, however tiresome he is in your mind, he will be something far removed from this in any of your shared childrens' minds. The question that I think you should be asking yourself is do you love him more than you dislike his family? Also, if you have not realised this unknown animosity towards you before this then is it really that noticeable in every day life. Didnt you marry him and not his mother/father ?
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2006): Wow...there is a lot of animosity and meaness running amok in your marriage and with his family. So how many more years are you going to tolerate this crap? I agree, a good husband and father who loves/honors his wife and kids enough does 'police' his family borders and he makes sure NO ONE (his family included), does not step over those boundries to hurt you or the kids. You marriage is missing two key ingredients here...respect and trust. Without that, you have nothing but a dead end relationship which will eventually 'dry up your soul and take what's left of your self-esteem. I can fully understand why this is slowly destroying you and my heart goes out to you. Because you likely feel very lost, alone and heartbroken over what has happened. Is this worth saving or do you think the dysfunction has gone too far? Only you can decide that. Options are intensive marriage counseling or.....leaving this marriage behind you and finding some well deserved happiness.
If you decide to save this marriage...your job is cut out for you. Someone has to take charge and you and hubby should head to the nearest marriage counseling office. The primary focus of your marriage counseling should be to put the immediate brakes on your husband's and his family's lashing-out, mean behaviors. It is up to your husband to get busy and repair the damage to your life, he has done with his cruel words and gossip, in regards to his family. What a cad! How you set boundries, regain some respect from him -will over time, set the tone for your future together, your marriage, and your family. Are you ready to tolerate this BS for a lifetime? I sure hope not. Take Care, my dear and be really, really strong.
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