A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I really do not know what to do anymore. I have been dating my boyfriend for two years and he suffered a serious stint of depression where he would take things out on me, simply because I was there. I have noticed the effects that his words have had on me and I am trying very hard to be strong and to maintain my sense of dignity and self-worth but there are days where it is very hard.Then there are a handful of times where he has a rough day and does not leave the apartment...yesterday, for example, I left the apartment for work at 6:30 a.m. and had graduate classes immediately after work until 11:30 p.m. I came home and the accusations started."Why was my hair in a ponytail." "Why did I change into my pajamas when I walked into the door." "Why was I wearing the same underwear from the day before." "Why did my pants have food stains on them." I answered the questions, knowing he was being unreasonable and fell asleep. I was woken up twenty minutes later because he had looked at each individual article of clothing in our closet and picked out one that had a dirty spot on it (I hate doing laundry) and told me I was wearing that shirt yesterday (I was not). Then it continued, "why do I make him think he is crazy, why do I think he is blind". He smelled my panties, told me I had not been wearing them all day (I was). I turned around to reorganize my clothing that I had hung up earlier and lost control. I closed the door and shouted that he was crazy. He then opened the door, told me he was waiting for me to shout so that he could hit me......hit me so hard on the side of the head that the cartilage of my ear, about the size of a quarter bruised. I started to cry very hard because it hurt so badly and I fell down where he started to kick me and stomp his feet really hard on me telling me to stop making a show and that he knew I was going to shout and that he was waiting for me to shout so he could kick me so hard that I would fall asleep. He told me to be quiet and to stop crying because I was just making a show and being a drama queen which made me cry harder...I thought I loved this man.I couldn't stand up and started to dry heave in the closet because I couldn't breathe and was so upset. He pulled up my chest and wrapped his hands around my mouth so I couldn't make any noise because I was crying too loudly for him and then told me to go throw up in the bathroom. I woke up this morning with every intention of leaving the apartment we live in together (-_-) and not going back. He has contacted me with profuse apologies, that this is not him, that he does nto recognize himself, that he is so profoundly sorry...then tells me that I need to not make such a big deal about things.But is it a big deal or not? I have lost all sense of reality and concept of what is versus what isn't normal. I answered his questions this afternoon (about my day) very curtly and he told me to go find someone at my university to be happy with and to go back to our apartment after work and not complain like the typical girl.Please help.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2009): I dont care what happens to you a man NEVER puts his hands on you only a fool does that and says he wont do it agian. You would be a fool for going back to him. Listen to me and listen good what i about to say may make you upset or you wont want to belive it but if a man puts his hands on you once no doubt he is going to do it agian you get out and you get out quick because in the long run you will only be hurting yourself
good luck Mrs.Fix-It
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2009): I cannot believe this guy!!!!This is shocking!LISTEN This is NOT NORMAL. You have been terribly, horribly ABUSED by this terrible, horrible guy! You do not and should not have to put up with this! DO NOT feel guilty. DO NOT give in to him.Ring up a HELP HOTLINE (find them on the internet)Talk about this with FRIENDS AND FAMILY.LEAVE the apartment and DO NOT GO BACK.IMPORTANT: YOU MUST NOT GET SOFT ON HIM. YOU MUST NOT WEAKEN TO HIS APOLOGIES.Everytime you feel like going back to him- READ YOUR POST. Instead of blocking out the pain/hurt/terror, allow yourself to remember it- and use that to help you DO THE RIGHT THING FOR YOURSELF.Let him email/text/whatever you with his apologies. If he is truly sorry and changes for you- he must prove it to you ultimately and gain your trust and help mend your poor heart and physical/mental suffering.Personally, I would not go back to a guy that had done that to me.He is clearly mentally disturbed with his signs of abusive, uncaring, frightful actions. Keep in mind that he has shown that he is capable of such actions- and could easily DO IT AGAIN and even worse! he could possibly kill you!You did the right thing coming on here for help.Leave him.Seek help frm friends and family. Be strong. :)
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