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He kept dropping hints about escorts...what does all this mean?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Dating, Pornography, Sex, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (29 September 2008) 6 Answers - (Newest, 4 October 2008)
A female Australia age 41-50, anonymous writes:

Hello people, this question is mainly for the guys out there!!

Recently my partner and I started talking about changing our sex life. We have been together since we were both 22 and though we have both been with other people before this, I got him to admit that there is a part of him that would like to sleep with other people. This I dont have a problem with, i am completely content to be with just him, but it got me thinking about how it would feel if i wasnt. I dont doubt is love for me, and I have told him he can sleep with other people if he wants to.

Now here comes my problem. He ignored me about that and we stopped talking about it. Recently I brought it up again. He told me that if I really wanted to I could get someone for him as a kinky surprise, which i dont mind doing. Yesterday I told him that i wanted to go away for a night just the two of us, and he really seemed to like the idea! He kept dropping hints about escorts, and i started looking at them to see about the price and all that stuff. After we had sex and today he doesnt seem as into it as yesterday, my question is should i go a head with it or not? i dont want him to get to the room and flip out when there are other girls there for him.....what should i do because i want him to do it if he wants to he just wont tell me what he really wants. please let me know what all you guys think....

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A male reader, Averageman United States +, writes (4 October 2008):

Become the other woman/women. Use fake names, different clothing/costumes, go to different places. Role play is a great addition to the bedroom. Act as though you are a stranger to him when you are in character. Let him do things you normally wouldn't. Be Adventurous. He might not want other women, he might just want something different and he doesn't know it.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2008):

You can't count on being with him afterwards if he is sharing himself with other women. Don't count on him not meeting somone younger and more exciting than you are if you insist on making him do this. After all, it is your idea so why would he feel bad for leaving you for someone else? Seems like that is what you want him to do. If it isn't for your kicks then what is it about? He doesn't seem very interested in doing this. Open marriages are a big deal, why even be married? Sounds like you aren't in love with him anymore.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2008):

No I have never and can never see myself cheating on him. Why would it be for myself? To me it is just sex, we have the emotional connection I was with him before and will be with him after wards. We have a very good sex life and I wont be in the room with him when he is having sex with the other people. I have never seen the big deal of open marriages, in this case I don't want to sleep with other people he does.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2008):

This is insane! And you are opening a can of worms that can't be closed again once opened. What would happen if he slept with other women, and enjoyed it so much that he started getting escorts on the side without your permission? What if he stops wanting sex with you because these other women are more exciting to him? Then, what if he meets someone else and it becomes more than just sex between the two of them, and he leaves you for her? WOuld that bother you? I think that you are trying to push him down a dangerous path and it will come back to bite you in the ass. Don't be silly, think about what you're encouraging him to do. It's not as simple as him doing it the one time. Something else will come from it.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2008):

i do believe its for yourself not your partner,please be honest with him he deserves that much

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2008):

I think you are crazy. It sounds like you have a nice man in your life. Why in the world are you encouraging him to go after other women? Is it that you have already cheated on him, and this is your way of assuaging your guilt?

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