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female
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*vanna22
writes: Last night I was fighting with my boyfriend because i'm trying to tell him that i'm so annoyed at him because everytime he's in college he does not answer his phone. He knows I don't trust him because he's lied to me about things in the past and I think he should be earning my trust instead of making it worse. It seems that he doesn't care if he doesn't earn my trust, it makes sooooooooooo angry I just wanna strangle him!!!!! I hate feeling like this, I'm so young and i'm never gonna be young again and I should be enjoying life to the fullest but i'm doing the opposite. I can't remember the last time I laughed hard until my stomach hurted, or the last time I had a lot of fun. I'm actually depressed all the time. I cannot have him listen to me. We cannot have a civilized conversation. He's sooo defensive. I tell him to please not interrupt me when I talk and I ask him politely to let me finish but he HAS to start yielling at me right in the middle of what i'm saying. I guess i'm more respecfull than he is. I think I love him but he makes me so mad and I don't think I need to be feeling like this all the time. And like I said before, he never answers his phone when he's in college, we've been together for more than three years and ever since he started going to college i've been asking him to take me there to introduce me to his friends but he won't do it. He's also got girls' phone numbers in his cellphone and refuses to delete them. He gets back home from college between 1 or 2 in the morning every night and sometimes he doesn't even call me. He would call me the next morning. I'm soooo upset right now, specially because when I try to explain to him that all these things that me make me angry and make me not wanna trust him he doesn't want to understand me. Everytime I try to tell him about these things that bother he just gets very defensive and stars yielling at me like crazy and calls me names and tells me he can't stand me and that i'm annoying and dramatic and stupid, retarded, idiot, etc, he hangs up the phone on my face when I try to talk about this and he doesn't call back. All he does is he screams: SHUT UP!!!! SHUT UP!!!! JUST STOP IT!!!!YOU"RE SOOOO ANNOYING!!!! What makes me angry the most is that apperently, in his head he's not doing anything wrong to me. I think a boyfriend who loves you SHOULD care about which things that he does are upsetting you so that we could both look for a solution so the relationship will work out, but I don't think he cares if I get depressed or cry over the things he does to me. What also makes me so angry is that on friday night I called him and he didn't answer, then the next morning at 5 am he calls me and tells me that he got home at 10:30 the night before and that he fell asleep. Haha, I find that hard to believe since he gets home at 1 or 2 in the morning ON WEEK DAYS. My mom always tells me to tell my boyfriend to pick me up on saturdays from the bartending school at 5pm because about a week ago I got harrassed by this guy on the bus and had to tell the police on him. My boyfriend knows about this and I think as a boyfriend he SHOULD care that something bad could happend to me again, specially cuz if I get out at 5pm, I have to take 3 buses and it takes me two hours to get home, but driving is just 30 minutes. I called him from the bartending school to see if he was coming but he didn't answer, I called him 3 times, then when I got home I was just setting around waiting for him to call and at about 8 o clock he called me, it makes me so angry because saturdays are supossed to be our day since we only hang out once during the week. After that he got to my house at 12 am that night. What a saturday!!!! He practically got to my house on sunday. I was so angry cuz I was expecting him since 5. Then he said he couldn't because he was doing work at college. I think it's weird for someone to go to the library and do work on a saturday night. It's sooo obvious that he's lying to me. I'm soooo angry and soooo upset right now I don't even think i'm going to work tomorrow. I just wanna be alone. He thinks he can just lie to me so easily. Am I just being paranoid or any girl in my possition will think that he's doing something I don't know about???
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (30 October 2006):
 I still say wait for him to contact you, birthday or no birthday. I also would try and stay busy, get out and meet people. This doesn't look very hopeful.
A
female
reader, Ivanna22 +, writes (28 October 2006):
Ivanna22 is verified as being by the original poster of the question I did stopped calling him expecting him to call me back and beg me, but he's just not calling me. I'm really depressed about this. I think he has another girl. Last night (friday night), he didn't call me. Don't you think it's obvious that he has someone else when he doesn't even call me on a friday night??? Well is 11:10 in the morning right now and he hasn't called me yet. How many of you think that he got drunk??? I'm sure he did. I'm so devastated, i'm not gonna call him again, and if he calls me i'm not picking up, but then his b-day is the 31th, should I call him to say happy b-bay or should I just stay away from him???
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2006): It's not meant to be that hard sweetie, I don't think he's the guy for you. You're right, you should be enjoying your life and be with someone who can enhance your life just by being in it. What you've got now? Not what dreams were made of.
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A
female
reader, Ivanna22 +, writes (26 October 2006):
Ivanna22 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI agree with all of you guys, if he really loves me then HE would make an effort to try to work things out. Also, if he really loves he wouldn't make me feel horrible all the time. I'm gonna take your advice and try to do my own things and just ignore him until he calls me and begs me. If he doesn't, then he didn't love me and I wouldn't wanna be with someone who doesn't love me. Thanks a lot guys for reading this long thing I wrote. I really appriaciate your advices 8)
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (25 October 2006):
The reason that you can't make your boyfriend understand how you feel is because he couldn't care less. Stop calling him, go out with your friends and meet new people. I'm not sure he'll even notice but if he does then maybe you will be able to have a conversation and decide whether this relationship is worth all the hassle. Let him be the one to contact you meanwhile get busy with your life and have some fun. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, stina +, writes (24 October 2006):
 have a spelling error correction from my last post: "then maybe it's because he was being stubborn to *begin* with " I really have to start reading these over before I post. sorry!!
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A
female
reader, stina +, writes (24 October 2006):
Hello Ivanna,
It seems like your boyfriend doesn't value the relationship in the least bit. If he did, he would *want* to call you more frequently, he would *want* to try and pick you up if his schedule allowed, he would *want* to see you on your only day together, and he *would NOT* want to call you names and tell you to shut up when you're trying to talk with him about your feelings.
During your conversations with him, if you get all loud, then maybe it's because he was being stubborn to being with by getting all defensive instead of trying to work things out. But let me ask you something - do you try to talk with him without attacking him? If you call and immediately tell him that he must tell you where he was, who he was with, what he was doing, etc, then that's probably not the best way to go about getting your point across. Have you tried to write down what you want to say? Maybe having it organized will help you stay on point and maybe it will keep you more calm.
But honestly, given that he's lied to you in the past and that he's being so disrespectful to you right now (and seems to have been this way for a while), and the fact that you feel awful all the time, I would say it's time to move on.
Take care.
(PS - you should try to find someone else who can drive you home from bartending school! Even if you have to wait 30 mins, then it's only an hour instead of two to get home. And you wouldn't have to deal with any creeps! Be safe.)
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A
male
reader, Ponungalungb +, writes (24 October 2006):
 This is directed to the anonymous responder. Where do you learn to write like that? Or don't you know how to spell? LOL.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2006): guys can be so pathetic sumtyms (no offence guys!) they jus dont get when theyre in the rong..ur dam ryt about him mekin the effort to earn ur trust...if he loved u he wud try his upmost..n then worst fing is...he turns it all on u..like ur in the rong..hes prob even gtu feelin abit crazyyy...as for the crying..no guy shud hurt u..they shud kip u away from all that crap n laff n joke wid u..im in ur situation..bin wid my man for 3 yrs..n hes soo irritating as well..hes sed sorry to me abt a milllion times now..n he knows da ive neva dun nything rong (yet)..gurlie..if i was u..i wud leave him..untill he misses u n begs u to cum bak..mek him realise wat his lost..n thers a guy out der huz w8in for u..w8in to love u silly..im gna take my own advice aswell,good luck..freind x
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A
male
reader, Ponungalungb +, writes (23 October 2006):
I think you need to forget about being in a relationship, if that's what you call this thing, and enjoy your life. This "relationship" is making you crazy. Go out with your friends and have fun. You're obviously very young . . . too young to so stressed out about this. Move on with your life and have fun.
Good luck.
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