A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've finally met someone I can imagine spending the rest of my life with, we suit each other perfectly, our friends and families approve, he loves me, and I can feel myself coming to love him, but the problem is- I'm not attracted to him in the least sexually. However, I'm not attracted to anyone else either. For now, he's okay with just being friends (though we did try dating but I broke up with him after two weeks because every time he kissed me I felt sick and nervous). Could it be that I'm frigid because of past abusive relationships? Or do you think it's just that I'm not sexually attracted to him? What should I do?
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female
reader, failingbeauty +, writes (2 August 2007):
 I'm sorry to hear that. Did you really have past abusive relationships? Then maybe that's the answer. My relationship now was like that in the beggining only because of my father, i had never trusted a guy again. So when i met my boyfriend (been a year) I gradually started to trust him. Although we had our completely hard times, our love kept us together. You can be emotionally attached to your boyfriend now, and the sexual emotions can be saved for later when you start trusting him. I'm pretty sure that your trust towards him will grow gradually and you'll be able to kiss him. But first, start with little steps. :) Hope i helped.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2007): I had the same problem ever since high school... my dad is really abusive and I was in a mess of abusive relationships. You cant make yourself attracted to someone in the long run... you just have to eventually find someone that you can be yourself with. I have broken the hearts of so many wonderful guys who were going places in life, who had money, who offered me cars *and I wouldn't even kiss them*. I went away to college and without alcohol, I still couldn't let a guy in (not after the one I was sooo sure I was in love with in hs, he turned out to be gay and I think I developed some self doubt on how attractive I was even though I was being offered modeling opps left and right... I thought I was fat and hideous). Then (sorry it's my lifes story I wish this was easy) I moved to a ranch and let myself be free, a cowboy called me green and I played hard to get... I was shy, weary, and wouldnt kiss him for a red cent. One night, I let him see my in my undies (in a drunken bar game... I had no clue what was going on). I still felt so strongly for an abusive (mentally and physically) ex, yet, at the end of the game the guy kissed me. I was SHOCKED, every guy before asked my permission like a little boy... this was a man that went for what he wanted; it felt good not to be in control. I got butterflies and yet didnt think it was an amazing kiss. So, I got drunk everynight before we hungout (because I really wanted to let go of my ex and have fun) ... also, just to be comfortable (but everyone did on the ranch, it was the "norm"). We kept dating and soon enough I got comfortable with him and myself, he brought me out of my shell (yes... langure, heels, and heavy amounts of alcohol were involved sometimes). Soon enough I became the woman I am today, the woman he leans on in times of need. We got to know each other without alcohol (we don't drink annymore really) and the relationship is still great and I love kissing him, he's my soulmate I could have missed out on. One day you will have the perfect kiss; my cowboy woke me up with a kiss the other night and it was ammmmaaazzing. For now just forget about Prince Charming (that's what I had to tell myself, just LEARN TO APPRICIATE THE LITTLE THINGS... the flowers he picks for you and etc.), if he really loves you he will treat you like a princess... but you can't have him be everything all at once... especially when he's nervous (yes, boys get nervous too). It bolis down to the fact that you need to become comfortable woth yourself and letting him have your heart, love like there's no tommorrow. If it dosn't work out then hey you will find someone, don't worry : ) ... just appriciate what you have until then!
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