A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I am a controlfreak and I am afraid of losing the control over myself. I have always been wanting to control myself and my feelings. Especially when it comes to love. I have had many bad experiences with men. I easily fall in love with guys, who do nothing but hurt me. I fall in love with intelligent, cruel guys. Their intelligence must be on my level over above, before I can be impressed. My two last loves were both great dissapointments. I always fall hopelessly in love with jerks.Through the last couple of monthes I have been living my life without thinking about love. But for a month ago, I was gossiping with a girl from the class next to mine. We were talking about wich people were in love with each other from our classes. And she suddenly mentioned that this guy from her class 'Robert' was in love with someone from our class, but she wasn't sure who. She heard that he has been in love since Valentines day. Ever since I heard that, I have been keeping an eye on him to figure out who he loves, because I was sure that he liked one of the two cute girls in our class. I had this uneasy feeling whenever he was around and at that time I didn't know why.I have talked to him months before I got to know that he loved someone. We were in the same group back then. Me, him, the girl I gossip with and my bestie. We were doing math, when I discovered how intelligent he was. He was like the only one working, and I too worked very hard to proove for him, that I was also good at this. I don't know why. I didn't want him to think me stupid or lazy. Maybe I did it because I wanted to show him hos ambitious I am. Or maybe because I love competeting with clever boys. The other girls were doing nothing, while he and I were solving math problems and talking about math only, even though I asked him about something personal once or twice. He obviously hated the other girls for doing nothing, and even though he didn't hate me, I wasn't sure wether he thought I was annoying or nice to be with. After one week, the group were splitted of some reason. It didn't matter to me. My bestie and I were sick and tired of being around Robert. Because he was so fricking tight and never spoke of anything else than math in the lessons. We didn't like him.But ever since I heard that he liked someone I have been paying him attention from afar. When we was in his group, he was like perfect. He never made a mistake. He never asked us for help. I envied him. Maybe the fact that he liked someone made him more human. More fragile..Well for 9 days ago, I entered his class to say hi to the gossip girl. He was there and he gave me a strange look, before I went out. That made me feel insecure. I was wondering what have I ever done him? The next day I was sitting in the geography class and gathering my things together, when I saw that he and I were the only people back in the classroom. Everybody else had left and he was being very slow, gathering his books and stuff. Almost too slow. Then he started moving toward my direction. Of some reason I panicked about being alone with him and left the class in a hurry. I didn't understand why he did these things, until a week ago where my class and his were having a project together in small groups. We were all in the same classroom, and we all had to stand up infront of everybody and present our project. When it was his groups turn, he did his part perfectly. As usually. When he was done he stood up there and gazed toward me almost all the time. He was looking very intense and he thought I didn't notice. But I noticed every time. We had eyecontact like 10 times or above, but I kept breaking the eyecontact and looking casually around in the class as if I hadn't noticed his gaze. He was standing there and looking at me for like 15 minutes. I couldn't prevent myself from smiling.It was then that I started thinking that he might be in love with me. Of some reason I was happy. I was very happy. Even though I am not allowed to have a boyfriend, I felt happy that he liked me.The next day our classes were together again and he tried to say something to me. It was so sweet even though it was a short, lame joke. I didn't know how to react, so I smiled. That day I was the one staring at him.And it is like I have just noticed him. Really noticed every detail. He is a nerd. His style isn't very cool. He is tall and thin, actually his height is perfect. He has brown, curly hair, medium length and brown eyes. His skin is not perfectly clean and his nose is a little too big, but he has the cutest smile, I have ever seen. When he smiles he looks very handsome. When he smiles all the guys next to him seem to disappear. I wonder why I didn't notice that smile before. Maybe because he rarely smiles.The next couple of days I have been acting very random whenever he was there. I was doing weird things and saying stupid stuff, I just couldn't control myself, so I have been trying to stay away from him, when I was studying.The other day while I was joking with one of his friends, he silently approached and just stood there by his friend's side and looked at me while smiling. I tried not to look directly at him, and kept talking to his friend. But his presence made me lose the control and I started saying nonsense.I have been thinking a lot about him lately. I have been wanting to see him every day. I find myself heading toward places, where I know that he and his friends is at. I force my bestie to come with me and play Soccer with the guys during the break, just because he is playing. I am almost obssesed with him. I have googled' his name. I have been sad because he didn't have facebook. I.. Think I am falling in love with Robert. I really shouldn't because I am not allowed to have a boyfriend.He has been ignoring me lately. He only looks at me for at short time and when I look at him, he turns his head away. I don't look at him too much. I am afraid of showing that I love him. Afraid that he finds out, that I know he loves me, because I don't want him to change how he behave. I want him to keep looking at me, when he thinks I am not noticing, with that smile on his face. I have been trying to act normal around him. I only look at him once in a while, though I always know where he is, when we are in the same room. Lately I have been wanting to smile to him. Make him as happy as he makes me. But I am not getting any oppurtonities. Whenever I pass by him, I sense this uneasy feeling. He looks for a second and turn his head the other way to continue talking to his friends. When he enter our class, which he rarely does, he never look in my direction and if the boys isn't in there, he hurries out again. Maybe it's my fault for trying to act normal around him, but I don't understand.. Why is he so cold all of a sudden? :(Did I MISUNDERSTAND everything? He wasn't in love with me? Does he hate me for some reason? Am I just making up stories up in my own head because I cant have a boyfriend? Am I selfish, wanting him to be in love with me and wanting myself to not love him? What is wrong with me?! Why am falling so deeply in love with a guy I haven't even spoken to about other stuff than homework? Am I really in love with him or am I only desperate for attention?I really want to speak to him, but I am not sure how to do it, when I don't even know if he likes me or not. If he can't be my boyfriend, he can be my friend. So I really want to talk to him. Normally of course, as if I never noticed all these gazes and the fact that he maybe likes me. The problem is that I am too shy. I have talked to some of his friends and joked with them, because they are talkative. He is also shy and silent whenever he isn't around his friends. Should I start with short, lame jokes? Should I use any occassion we are together in groups or in the break to say things to him? By that I mean, should I start talking little by litte?And about how I behave.. Should I smile more to him and make eyecontact?I am so confused.. The main question is: What should I do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, mollymoochoo  +, writes (2 April 2011):
 This is normal for someone shy so dont be worried. so first, see if he is making any effort at all to make contact with you, if he doesnt dont be worried to make the first move, if he rejects you then talk things out. thats all i can really say. good look hun
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