A
female
age
30-35,
*osesarerainbow
writes:I am currently seeing a man that I have a wonderful connection with. He is from South India, and I am a white American woman. One of the main reasons that I love him so much is for his willingness to be open and communicate. We have been seeing each other for about 4-5 months. I recently expressed to him that I would love to be his girlfriend, but I just wasn't sure what he wanted. He replied that he wasn't sure what he wanted either, and that he was figuring that out for himself. He refers to me most often as his "lover"; but he has introduced me as his girlfriend to people before, and he has told his parents about me. Before me, he was in an emotionally stressful 4-year relationship, so I kind of understand why he's taking his time with me, but I just want to make sure that waiting for him to decide what he wants isn't a mistake on my part. Does this sound commitment-phobic, or perfectly normal? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, rosesarerainbow +, writes (18 December 2007):
rosesarerainbow is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you both for your answers. For the record, his parents have no problem with him dating or settling down with a non-Indian person. He has talked to them about this issue of race. They have never tried to get him to find an Indian girl or consent to an arranged marriage. They do pressure him to get married before he is too old, which may be making him more anxious. He is almost 29, and both of his siblings have already married.I guess I'll just have to be patient and see how things go.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2007): Be careful, go slowly, and try not to get too emotionally involved as us girls do.Being a woman, I do understand your situation and how you feel. Sounds like you are already inlove with this guy. You said that he said that he is not sure what he wants. Now, please find out from him, if him ,or his parents have any objections of his girlfriend being American, or any other race than Indian. Because I am Indian and most Indians would have girlfriends, boyfrineds, but when it's time to settle down, they want Indian people. I am only saying this to you because I want to make you aware of what might happen. However, not all families think this way, but I just don't want you to get hurt. It sounds to me that you are a sweet person and you sound soooo inlove. I wish you the best of luck sweetie, and hope that you and your love are happy together.
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A
male
reader, sujoy  +, writes (17 December 2007):
 hi, You can continue to be a friend of his but avoid him calling u his gf among people. May be he is doing everything to overshadow his previous relationship and to kill his frustation. Never take a commitment with such guys who have a history of stressful relation. You can spoil yourself emotionally by just doing good to him.
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