A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I know how much I am stupid...In this summer my ex-boyfriend sent me broke up mail which is totally mixed message without any sign.He blamed my fault like race, age and past behavior finally even past trauma. The last sentence was "I still want to be together with you and I love you but I cannot handle this pressure" We were long distance relationship and he was involved with my family and friends, but he never introduced me any of his people 2years of relationship. He excluded me from his work, family, friends everything with wonderful excuses.He tried to convince me like "I showed your photos so many times and talking about you all the time. Just I don't go back to visit my hometown and schedule doesn't match" He was very nervously avoiding this issue. No doubt, this issue drove me really mad and insecure to stay in relationship. Yes, he mostly visit me or we travel together...that was the relationship. I was allowed only once to visit his current town. Though I felt so comfortable with him mostly.As many people indicate, I guess he is a commitment phobia. and I was a passive partner.In fact, after sending me such a agreesive breaking up email, he started to missing me and called me."I am lonely and sad...what are you doing?"Again, he was pretty contradictive, he cannot decide to break up or either stay together.Started to saying like "We will be friend forever, I cannot leave from you, stay together with me"I didn't want to be treated just fun-filing for him. I decided to give him ultimatum.Explained my feeling and said do not call me unless he realize he loves me.He was crying so much and said "I wanted to be in your life"He didn't say even good bye. He said "Good night, see you"...that made me so much pain.Since then, he never tried to contact me. I have been through very devostated summer. Anger , hurt, remorse, doubt, attachment etc..all these emotion made me so much suffer. What was our relationship? What was the truth?...I thought finally I can get over in September and understand I wasn't loved. Few days ago he appeared on FB, which he didn't have an account. I didn't search him just apeared "People you may know" (from his current town, to acces FB is blocked...means he returned to his country for short while or forever.)Then he deleted me from skype list. Something is pulling me to the past...I get crazy again. I miss him , I want to contact him, I feel (I know it is a DELLUSION) even I should contact him to talk.I sometimes even feeling to wait his return. Yes. I still cannot end about this relationship despite it's end. I know I shouldn't contact him. (I wrote unsent letter to him so many times and cried what he did to get over this feeling)I know I should move on. I know there is no love anymore. I know there is no way to convince him also useless to talk about past. I know there is no feeling to convince him.I know I shouldn't think I deserve this kind of treatment what he did.I know there is NO meaning he apeared on FB. It is just me.Unless I don't change myself, there is no furture in anywhere for me. I want to get over my love addict (or what I should say co-dependency?) attitude.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks againThe first moment I realize he compartmentalize his life from me was visiting his apartment in his current town.(..after he met my family)He was nervously shouted to me "I Know you want to meet m colleagues and be introduced at the office!!"...I never ever requested him to introduce his office. As I posted, I could finally even never hear anyone's voice of his friends and family....so sad just feel so lonely about it.He impose really distructive boundaries which makes me fear.I do not want to suffer, be hurt. This is the reason I hesitate to contact him and also I don't know this is the right way to do. I am so scared...lack of emotionally commitment is also the reason maybe,On the other hand, I guess he wanted to stay with me while he lived in his woking place...(Can you believe it took 6 hours by air from my place..why he didn't play with his local girls..)If it is just lack of emotionally commitment , I feel I am on the dead end.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks so much for kindness.
Indeed, breaking up came right after we talked about marriage or moving together. He wanted to run away from responsibility...seems.
I also couldn't bear such a long distance relationship without knowing anyone of his family or friends. Also he said he couldn't stop crying coming back to his apartment alone. He told me I was the first person who accepted as he was.
Both we want to be together, but both we are so scared.
I..really have no idea what currently he is thinking and its situation. I am hurt, left confused, sad and want to come back but I am not sure I can meet "him" what I loved so much.
At this point, I would say that if you can remain friends, without huge expectations, then if love is meant to be again, it will happen.
do you think i should contact him again??
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