A
female
age
41-50,
*ngel delight
writes:I'm so confused!!I was friends with my ex for 3 years and seeing him the last year. The break up was bad as I accused him of seeing someone. He repeatedly denied it but he had lied to me a couple of times previously (just white lies he said to protect me)He dumped me 8 weeks ago after trying twice to sort things out, telling me he loved me and couldn't imagine his life without me.I didn't contact him for a couple of weeks and have been texting since then. We have met up once for me to get my things back from him but that was only for 20 mins as he had to rush. When I left he would not stop hugging and kissing me(on the cheek) then ten mins after I left he texted and asked me to suggest a date we could meet up again (this was 4 wks ago)I have given him 2 dates and both time he has let me down (family crisis/he was sick)We continued talking via text and he assured me repeatedly he wanted to meet me and it was not personal that he hadn't.We have kept in touch over Christmas and he told me he was working through until the 6th Jan. Yesterday morning he switched his phone off...I know someone who works with him who told me he is now on leave for a week until the 6th Jan. I texted him and he has told me he was on nights and that is why his phone has been off. He is clearly lying but I don't know why?? On a number of occasions I have given him the opportunity to not stay in contact with me and he has said he wants to stay friends. He assures me that he has not moved on and not met anyone else. I think I have been very amicable with him, I just cant stand lies. I want to stay friends and in contact with him because we were friends long before we were in a relationship. If we disagree on something now he always throws the fact that "HE" suffered by losing his relationship and he loved me and would never hurt me, not now and not then. Its almost like he still blames me for the relationship ending. Surely he cant have moved on that quickly??Positive replies only please. I want to stay in touch with him but I just want him to start telling me the truth. I have been known to over react in the past so maybe he is seeing someone and he thinks I will over react if he tells me?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (4 January 2017):
 He does not want to be your friend. He is lying to you to avoid meeting up with you, this shows that he is no longer interested. He probably doesn't want to tell you outright. But what he is doing is giving you false hope and that is not fair. You need to drop contact. It is near impossible to go back to being friends after dating therefore you need to end all contact and work on getting over him.
A
female
reader, Nittynora +, writes (30 December 2016):
 To be honest I think you have been more than patient with this man. He switches his phone off when it suits him and why not tell you he is on holiday. If he is still communicating with you and inviting you out on dates he does not keep well why is he only in contact when HE feels like it. He is he the one that is blowing hot and cold with you, he is playing games with you. I wouldn't trust him one inch, he has lied to you in the past, he is available when HE wants to be available. He picks you up and puts you don't when he feels like it. Sorry but it wouldn't surprise me if he is seeing someone like you suspect. I don't think this man know what he wants. You need to make a break from him, you really don't deserve to be treated like this, you DESERVE to know what is going on. x
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (29 December 2016):
 You know this guy lies. NOT for your sake, or to protect you (come on OP, use a little common sense here). He lies/lied to PROTECT himself.
So now that you are NOT dating that is something he continues to do. LIE. It's easier for him in the short run. It's a habit for him. A "survival mechanism". Just because you two broke up doesn't mean he is now a changed man who never lies anymore. Be realistic.
WHY it's your business if he has taken days off work between Christmas and New Years, I'm not sure. Why it's any of your business if he turns HIS phone off, I'm not sure off either. YOU are no longer dating each other.
Staying in contact seems to be an extension of the relationship that isn't there anymore. People usually CAN NOT just go from dating to being friends. Because most people still have SOME feelings and unresolved issues going on.
Let's say he switched off his phone because THAT day he just didn't want to deal with you or someone else. So what? It's his prerogative to do whatever he wants with his phone. Staying "friends" doesn't mean he OWES you that you can check up on him whenever you want to.
YOU need to understand that it's over. And when a relationship is over contact usually tapers off. He might work through the break up in a different manner than you. And he MIGHT even have turned off the phone to play mind games with you.
YOU really need to give yourself some space from this man, so YOU can move on and stop being so involved in his life. If he is already dating, again THAT is his prerogative. HIS life. He doesn't OWE you to not be dating yet or to tell you if he IS dating yet.
Focus on your life now.
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