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female
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anonymous
writes: I am 24 and my partner of 3 1/2 years is 22. We have not long ago moved into our second property and within the last few months grown further apart. Last week, he left to go back to his parents for time to think. He says he feels that he is missing out on his youth but still loves me very much and loves what we have together. If he walks away after all this time, he will regret it but if he doesn't, he'll regret the loss of his freedom. I have never and never would stop him from doing what he wants and would do anything to get him back home. I just need some advice, has anyone else experienced this? Should I move on? What will he choose?
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2006): Yes...if he chooses to leave, then of course, you move on, dear. He has some 'living' to do and wants to get out and do just that. He's finding out that he's not ready for a settled, committed relationship. Better for you to find this out now rather than later after marriage and kids come into the picture and your options are far fewer. Sometimes things happen like this in relationships and there's a reason for it. Or rather, no satisfying reason. Don't dwell on this, don't allow this to kill your self-esteem, don't bother asking yourself why you weren't good enough for him because you were.(he may realize this, too late) I would be very strong and tell him. have a 'good life' and 'see ya'. But be prepared, he'll get out there and have his jollies but will tire of it quickly. Be forewarned though, he'll likely realize too late how good he had it with you and he may come crawling back, especially if you cut contact with him and carry on with your life. Who knows, you may find someone else who wants to make you the center of their life. Always remember...display yourself as a strong, independant woman, and show him that you are moving on without him with grace and dignity. Don't let a failed relationship break you down. Always know you are worthy and keep your options open. There is many wonderful men out there who would appreciate you and want a committment. Face this loss, recover and get out there and live. Life's too short.
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female
reader, Wendyg  +, writes (24 May 2006):
 Not saying this is the case, but many years ago! I was in a relationship for 6 years with who I thought was the love of my life. We too were in V early twenties, Things were totally fab or so I thought, we never argued, pretty much let each other have own space and all that. One day he came home and just said, " I dont know what I want" I was like what do you mean ? He was like well im not sure if i need to find out new things in the world other than us... anyway this went on for a while and he got stranger and stranger until one day he disappeared for two weeks... It then evolved that he was having an affair... no wonder he didnt know what he wanted he had been seeing someone else for about 6 months and had got confused at what he wanted, and because he had started a new relationship, thought that everything else had to be changed in his life, and that he didnt want to lose out and let things pass him by, he told me he still loved me and knew he was probably making the biggest mistake of his life, but he had to move on. Left me totally crushed, but well you have to toughen up so I kicked him out and said good riddance... best thing I ever did! But anyway, what I think may be happening here is similar, hes scared of settling with just one person and wants to get out and see what its like to have a relationship with someone else, my advice is let him go, if you dont it could be a lot more heartache in the long run for you both, love someone set them free, yes I know it all sounds easy for me to say, but trust me, if you hang around waiting for him to decide what he wants, your life too will be passing you by. The words I want my freedom denote to me that he isnt ready to be with you living together and hes too scared to commit. Better to know hes got cold feet now than the realise in 3 more years! I know how hard it is to get over someone, ive had to do it, its not easy and it took me 2 years to get out and about again properly, but when I look back I now realise that things were not as rosy back then as I thought they were and he did me a favour and I wouldnt change my life now for anything.
Good luck
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female
reader, Toria +, writes (24 May 2006):
 This is a hard one, whenever ive been involved with younger guys you do always worry yourself that they are feeling like they are missing out on things even worse when he is feeling he is aswell, its him that has to make the choice either its be with you or be single and enjoy his youth, but surely he can do both without hurting you?
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