A
female
age
36-40,
*sfritzy
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year now, and it's been pretty rocky. He's been putting me down about certain things that occurred before we were even together! I was in a "relationship" with a guy he despises, so he beat me up verbally about it for the majority of our relationship. When we first became close friends, I introduced him to someone, even though he liked me. I was in a relationship at the time. As the years passed by, we remained close friends and last year it turned into love. The first three months were HEAVENLY, and then it took a turn for the worst. He apologizes everytime he hurts me or makes me cry, but I'm always so afraid he'll do it again. So, yes, I'm living in fear... My boyfriend also has a problem with the fact that I have guys in my life who are like brothers. NOTHING has ever happened between us, and they have been simply genuine friends. My boyfriend was okay with being close friends with me, but when we became a couple, that went out the window when it came to other guys. He's always blaming his attitude and behavior on the fact that things aren't going well in his life right now. I'm so tired of being his verbal "punching bag" and crying over the things he says and does. I love him, but he chooses to take my kindness for weakness. When it's all said and done, he cries and asks, "Why do you love me? You don't wanna be with me." My heart can't take anymore pain from another guy. This life of mine has been filled with TERRIBLE relationships, and the majority of them have dealt with verbally abusive guys. I don't know what else to do. I'm out of answers... Everytime I'm about to cut ties with him, my mouth can't form the words. My boyfriend is always finding something wrong with me, and all I've ever done was love him and be there for him. I'm lost... Reply to this Question
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female
reader, msfritzy +, writes (15 June 2011):
msfritzy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBy the way, I forgot to thank you so much for the advice you gave me. I accepted his apology, which turned into another apology and then one after the other. : (
A
female
reader, msfritzy +, writes (15 June 2011):
msfritzy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, here's an update: The relationship has lasted for three years, and at times, it's been AWESOME. He still has issues and more have been added- unemployment, car was repo'd, and still lives with his parents. He's a musician, so he takes gigs as a source of income, and he also plays for my dad's church. Well, here is the issue at hand... His best friend's wedding was this past Saturday, and I'd promised to go with him. However, this was before I'd realized my church's organization meeting was the same weekend. I had a position and responsbilities to fulfill, so I NEEDED to be there. It's called our district council. I'm a pastor's daughter, and my dad is the COUNCIL VICE CHAIRMAN. My bf was born and raised in this organization, so he knows the importance of being there. Anyway, I made the tough decision of going to the council instead of the wedding. My bf broke up with me, told me I was selfish, and that I never consider his feelings. Truthfully, he's invited me to his gigs this year, but I haven't been able to attend them due to cicumstances. I live abut 40 miles away from him, and at times, my car was out of commission, he had no money, or he didn't have a way to come and get me. All of a sudden, he's forgotten about all of this and has been calling me a liar. So, I apologized for not being at the wedding with him and said I would do my best to be there for/with from now on. He dumped me, said he wanted me back, and then said from now on it's gonna be about him. He said he's made so many sacrifices for me trying to always be there for me, but I haven't done anything for him our entire relationship. I've been breaking my back trying to make him happy, but he's NEVER satisfied. He has talked about me so bad to the point where it feels like my insides are shredded. He brings up my past mistakes and hangs them over my head... He's constantly dumping me because he feels like it... I've told him about how I've been hurt in past relationships, and he said maybe I should look in the mirror because maybe I was the problem. At times, I wasn't able to go with him because I had to travel with my dad to sing or represent our church choir when he preaches somewhere. I'm at a loss of ideas. All I've ever done is be there to love, honor, and encourage him. I'm unemployed, but I've even helped him financially whenever I could. Whenever I have money, the first thing I think about is what he may need or what could put a smile on his face. I'm a hopeless romantic, so I give him cards and do things just because... I even buy him clothes because I know he's in dire need. He doesn't appreciate anything and all he does is constantly find something to complain about. I don't know what else to do. I love him dearly... When it's good, it's GOOD... When it's bad, it's AWFUL. Good grief.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2009): Your first three months were wonderful; the last 9+ months have been marked by tears and fearfulness. And this is the same pattern as your previous relationships.
You know that this kind of relationship is not the path to happiness. People want to be with someone who admires them, respects them, and doesn't miss an opportunity to build them up. But the only way you can have that kind of a relationship is to demand it. Find a guy who's inclined to be like that, and make it clear that's what you expect.
I can only imagine how miserable you are right now. Only you can change it. That starts by getting away from this guy. The next step is to convince yourself that you are worthy of better treatment. Then accept nothing less.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, lovesmypet +, writes (23 July 2009):
sweetie, i cant force you to say or do anything. but you need to find a better guy, you need to know when to get yourself out of a relationship. guys like that do play on your weaknesses. kindness in a way is a weakness. he knows youve been hurt befor and youre light hearted. and he knows that if he pulls your heartstrings in the right way, you cant/wont leave, because you want so badly to be loved he knows that he can treat you like garbage. men like that LOVE to "break women down" so they can play them, so they can make those women do and say whatever he wants them to do.
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