A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, What do you think i should do next?I saw a totally gorgeous tanned, blonde guy on my friend's facebook! I really lack confidence to make first moves and although people tell me i'm pretty and fun and i should go for it, i feel so foolish. I'm really shy and i finally got the courage to add him with a little message saying "Hi, i thought you look cool. I thought i'd add you, your profile is private, so just thought id message and say hi!" Which was a big thing for me. I don't know what he must have thought of me. He added me. No reply to my little hello. My friend hardly knows this guy (he's from an art club my friend attends and hasnt seen him for six months, so we know little about him. Gay, straight, single or what?) This guy is also German, but his english is good. He doesnt update his status much, so i had to talk to him with some excuse. I asked him to translate a document into English for me from German. He seemed friendly and said yeah, no probs, i'll help. But suddenly went "sorry" and went offline halfway through. He messaged back saying "sorry if i was rude or sounded dumb- the phone rang and i had to go- here is your thing translated. it should be like this." thassall. I messaged back saying basically, aw no, you were great, thanks for your help, sorry to take up your time with this, hey your english is great. Wow, you've been in the UK for ages then. I've never been to germany much, but i'm interested.. etc etc" I might have sounded a bit sucky!No direct questions, but enough for him to get hold of. I ended with, great! thanks! No reply for 3 days. So he's not going to I guess. I don't know if he didnt reply because he saw no reason to, or if he doesnt want to speak to me. I know hes been online since. Now, i don't know whether i should try again and grab him when hes online and say hey and hope it leads to a convo where i learn more about him, or if i'll look like i'm creeping or coming onto him, and he'll think he added somebody who fancies him and is going to be hassling him every 2 mins. i dont know him or if hes twigged i fancy him, so don't know how he will react. he seems quite a serious guy. Should i try and start a convo up again today, or what? Argh! I just feel like if he'd really wanted to, he could have gone "hey! thanks for the add!" in the first place.. and the convo would have started...
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confidence, facebook, shy Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2010): Okay facebook is NOT a dating site so trying to contact someeone thru it in the hope of dating them is impossible unless you know them or ur friend knows them well enough to set you both up, which in this case your friend doesn't. You're just a stranger weho added him on faceyb cos u find him hot, u know not of his interests nor personality, it's not going to work, if u musty date online use a proper dating site where everyones looking for a potential partner not facebook whose intended use is completely seperate from this.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2010): Whenever you decide to date someone, please, please, please DO NOT rely soley on texting, emailing or chatting on networking sites as this can become a lazy form of communication and it puts distance between the two parties, thus you really can't get to know each other. I believe in the old fashion way CALL ME IF YOU WANT TO GET TO KNOW ME. It's that simple. It's not like we are living on some other planet...unless a person has OCD that prevents them from talking on the phone, they need to contact you that when you first start dating.
I wouldn't contact this guy anymore...at this point it really doesn't matter why he hasn't contacted you even though you want to know. DON'T CONTACT HIM ANYMORE. Instead, let him contact YOU. It's in a man to chase...don't go running after him. Show him that you have a life to live with or without him. Regardless of how "shy" a guy claims to be, if he really wants to know you, he will find a way.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (29 July 2010):
 First off, my opinion is that facebook is not an ideal place to find a boyfriend. You can end up texting each other for months and nothing happens. I believe in the more direct approach of calling, then meeting up the next day. I think you already showed interest obviously. Just in case he's shy you can suggest seeing each other at an art event or something like that. That way you don't waste time thinking what ifs or whether he's interested in me. Your mind would also be at peace and if he says no you can move on to the next one.
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A
female
reader, xanthic  +, writes (29 July 2010):
 He's not interested in getting to know you further, otherwise he would continue the conversation rather than brush you off. Also, regardless of there being a reason for him to reply or not, he would have if he really wanted to.It would be best to move on to someone else, preferably outside of Facebook. This guy just isn't feeling it, sorry to say.
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