A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 months and I'm very much in love with him, I've had many boyfriends before but none that I felt so much love for like I do for him. I was in an emotionally and sexually abusive relationship a couple years ago where my ex would threaten me and put me down if I refused to give him oral sex, and he also cheated on me with two different girls, so it was very difficult for me to trust my current boyfriend, but I've talked to him about the abusive relationship and he has been very understanding and he has never given me any reason not to trust him, so he has earned my trust and I feel very comfortable with him. My boyfriend says that I am his first real girlfriend, and the first girl he's ever been in love with. He and I are both virgins (although I have given oral sex like I previously mentioned). He has told me that he doesn't like to show his feelings too much with anyone and he has trouble expressing love but he does try his hardest. He is always there for me even when I start stupid fights over nothing or act childishly. He is sweet and he tells me he loves me and I don't doubt that. But I'm a bit confused because we have been together for 6 months and we haven't done anything even remotely sexual, no groping, nothing. It took him a while for him to kiss me for the first time (over a month) so I guess he is a slow-mover at this type of thing. I know he masturbates (and I have no problem with that, I do as well). But I am very physically attracted to him and I find myself fantasizing about him all the time and wishing he'd do things to me haha, I know that the guy shouldn't have to initiate everything but for some reason I'm very nervous to make the first move at something sexual. It's not really a deal breaker for me because I love him a lot and I don't NEED sex to be happy in my relationship but I do get horny and I really want him lol. :S My friend said one day that she talked to him and asked him if he would ever want to have sex with me (my friend is really nosy and pushy lol) and told her that he really wanted to.Could the reasons for us not being sexual after this long be because we're both nervous? Or because he knows I've been sexually abused? Or something else? Thanks very much for your help.
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both virgins, cheated on me, horny, my ex, oral sex Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (21 October 2013):
 Your guy is carrying the "four date" rule to its most extreme. I suggest that you proceed with EXTREME caution!!!
Good luck...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2013): First of all, I'm jealous, I wish I'd had boyfriends who were "slow movers" when I was in your age range. It sounds like you have a great guy and he's got a great girl. Since you've gotten as far as kissing, that makes it easier to take it a little further (but slowly).When you're making out, or even if you're seated on a couch together, just watching TV, you could put your hand on his thigh and casually start running your hand up and down. Ask if he's cool with it (I'm sure he will be) and just move higher and higher up on his leg. I always appreciate it when guys/girls ask if I"m OK with what's going on, so I'm always asking. I'm guessing the touching will get more intense and if he's cool with that for a few weeks (don't take that too literally, I'm not suggesting you put each "goal" on a calendar), maybe you can whisper in his ear, "Hey, you want me to blow you?" Of course, use your own language, not mine. I'm apt to be pretty blunt that way or sort of silly by saying, "Ooh, you're all swollen. Let me kiss it better" whatever works. :-DI guess I'm just saying that it's good to keep taking it slow but definitely, if he's OK with going that far and if YOU are, there's nothing wrong with it. Just please be safe about it (not to get all mom-ish on you)good Luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2013): Honey, you both are virgins. With my first girlfriend, it took me 6 months to kiss her, and about 9 months before I lost my virginity. Yes he is scared. As it is normal human behavior. One thing that you can't do is hold someone accountable for what an ex has done to you. I am glad that he has earned your respect.If you want to become sexually involved with him, then I would suggest that you talk about it. Communication is one of the most IMPORTANT things that a relationship takes. If I were you, (speaking from a mans point of view), I would simply text him and ask him. Don't jump right in to it, but tell him that your virginity is very special to you, and that you feel that it is the right time in your life to do away with it? Let him know how you feel. If he is a virgin, then he is just as lost as you are!If you let him know how you're feeling, he is going to be on the same train. I wish you luck in your endeavors, and just remember... Be safe!
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