A
female
age
51-59,
*meee
writes:Hi,I have been dating a guy i met in a social group, for around 4 months. After a few dates, he told me he was married but separated, for 7 years. Now had I known this beforehand I would not have dated him as I didn't want the emotional baggage a pending divorce would bring.I am feeling very insecure as he has rented properties with his wife and when I have broached the subject of why he never divorced he got really mad and said he was stupid, an idiot, as apparently she also had an affair. I am left wondering why everyday that does this mean he will never divorce her, but on the other hand am baffled as to why he didnt when she cheated on him. I am also divorced but even though my ex husband and I split amicably, we still didn't delay our divorce.He gets mad whenever I try to ask questions, I can't relax properly knowing he is still 'involved' with her if only it is on a business level.
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affair, divorce, insecure, my ex Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, womenscorned  +, writes (13 August 2015):
 Hey hun the key factor here is "STILL MARRIED." which means that there is some unfinished business. Women have got to do better! You will never really have a peaceful relationship with this man and you will always be left with the thought in the back of your head" Will he leave his wife"? In my opinion I really would not waste my time on this relationship especially if hes not willing to even mention the thought of divorcing his wife. He may not want to go that route for reasons you may never know of especially if hes not going to be open and honest about the situation. You can lead a horse to water but you cant make him drink.I'm sure you've heard of that saying before.. TRUST ME... Ive dated someone who was separated at one time when I was in my 20's but now that I am in my early 40's I realized that it was just a waste of time and will never do it again. Its just not worth it. Its best to deal with a man who has no strings attached, especially if you want to be completely happy. But that's just my opinion once again that is a choice you will have to make. Hope you choose the one choice that will benefit you!
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (7 August 2015):
 Stop asking questions and stop dating him. No drama, no accusations and no teary eyed good byes. Just gracefully walk away.
He has unfinished business with his ex that won't be sorted out any time soon. Questions and discussions are pointless and annoying so stop it.
Get yourself back on solid ground.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (6 August 2015):
 He's married; you're single... AND you're his "backup" girl...
'Nuff said. How long do you want to be in that position? HE ain't gonna change a damn thing... so IT'S UP TO YOU (to change something).
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (6 August 2015):
 Sorry hon, this man is just loving all the female attention.. you on one side and his WIFE on the other..
Time to move on, he is really not worth the effort.
Oh, and by the way he behaves I would doubt that he was telling the truth about his wife having an affair...
Sorry!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (6 August 2015):
 So you are dating a MARRIED man. Separated doesn't mean single.
His "tantrum" was his way of getting YOU to not ask THAT question again. Janniepeg got that right - he was dodging the question.
Apparently YOU aren't allowed to question him what so ever, so why waste any more time on him? It's only been 4 months.. so it shouldn't be too complicated to walk away.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (6 August 2015):
 I'd just stop dating him, if you can't relax and he gets angry whenever it comes up. It's only been 4 months and you two aren't inseparably intertwined. Say 'thanks for some great dates, when you are actually legally single, give me a call. If I'm still single, I'd like to see you again. Until then, however, I'm just not comfortable with this. Sorry! I do wish you well!'
And then, stick to it.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (6 August 2015):
 I won't feel comfortable either. People stay "married" for insurance benefits. If they have kids, during holidays they will have one celebration instead of the inconvenience of travelling to two places. I won't be surprised that married but separated couples still have sex. Your place in his life would be a fill in, which no one would envy. They agree to have this open relationship but play happy families together. This arrangement works for them.
He's "mad" in order to dodge your questions because he knew you would dump him if you knew the truth. You have a right to know. Just because you already dated him and have feelings does not mean you can't pull out now.
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