A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi..I am having a very difficult moment when I am not longer know who I am..I am with this guy for 8 months and I felt in love very fast and we moved together after 3 months..we share everything and we both help each other..the bad thing is I am having trust issues because I found some stuff that he hide from me, like one girl one line that he had from long time and he did not tell me anything until I caught him with text messages..in his birthday i did a surprise party for him with all our friends and this girl called him at midnight wishing happy day and etc I got crazy and very sad because we were already together when this happened..He did talk to this woman in front of me saying that he does not love her and he wants to cut all contact..I spoke with her also and she told me that she loves him and she is waiting for him and so so..anyway this issue finished there and I decide to forgive him and move on. After that one day I have to work early shift and my bf gave me a ride I came back in the evening and I found the apartment clean and he did laundry ..I thought how nice..then I went to the bathroom and the shower was clean also, I decide to change my clothes and wear a little make up..I couldn't find my bag of makeup when I know I left that in the same place every single day and that morning before work I used some stuff from there and left it in the same place..it drove me crazy I start to yelling him and asked him who was here..why he did laundry..why he clean the shower..where is my bag of make up.. it never appears...I cried and I was very hurt because I still have the feeling that he lied to me..he never clean by himself if we don't do it together I mean..(and it can not be this woman because she lives overseas) but I had this horrible feeling that he brought someone to our place..I just don't have peace of mind..I am very confused. I spoke with him about it. I told him I want him out of my life for good. I cant be with him if I doubt every single thing that he does..good or bad for me every thing is a lie...i spoke with my family which is overseas because I am feeling so lost and I needed some support and my sister told me that if I have this feeling is because something is going on and I have to trust my gut and maybe because I am so lonely I keep forgetting him and it is going to be worst every time..I dont know what to do..every time I try to speak with him about my trust issues he just said that he loves me and I am like his wife and he wants me with him and then he cries and we start all over again..I am feeling so exhausting mentally and emotionally..this morning I opened his wallet while he was in the shower and I found a ticket because he parked in the wrong spot and it was 3 days ago..I asked why you didnt tell me he just said because I was mad that day that he didnt want to argue with me again..he has an explanation for everything and I dont know why I believe everything..I am feeling I am going crazy..Do I am paranoic? I never had this feelings before...
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (23 November 2014):
 It would help if you knew the context of the text messages, the more important thing how HE responded to those. I don't think from this post there is hard evidence that he cheated. It may have looked like he hid the make up bag to erase all evidence that he is in a relationship so the other woman could relax and enjoy. It could also be that he has free time that day and he wanted to make good use of it, and to make you happy by cleaning.
Still, if you are usually a calm, sensible person and after you met this boyfriend you turn into this mess, it could mean he worked a number on you. You know some men may not have done anything bad but they get a kick out of seeing their women being so insecure as if that's a sign that he is in control and you love him. The other woman overseas has the audacity to tell you she loved him. That shows your boyfriend knows how to use his charm. It could be one sided love from her but it wouldn't have happened if your boyfriend didn't encourage it. So even if he hasn't cheated yet he might not be the right guy for you. You should not feel this paranoid in a relationship.
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