A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:ok well I have been with my fiance' for the past 2yrs now. During them two yrs let's jus say a lot has happened. He cheated on me 3times...twice with one woman n once with another. The woman he cheated on me twice with got pregnant n he lied about that...he lied about a bunch of stuff but any way she got pregnant n she lied 2him about getting an abortion. She moved 2 GA to have the baby n then call him 3months after the baby was born to tell him he had a child. Now here is where the problem(S) is........ her n I were pregnant around the same time...he said he wasn't ready n I was still angry about him n the grl even tho she had alredy moved n they weren't talking any more, so we got an abortion. After the abortion I felt extreme guilt, I was depressed, n just hurt. I held that over his head for a very long time...still kinda do. Now he has a kid n I can't even begin 2explain how I feel about that. I hate his baby mom with a passion. Now he hasn't seen this child yet bcuz his bm is always on sum bs even tho the baby is now 8months old n she always texts him talkin bout she hates him cuz he wudnt leave me for her, but she loves him so much n he hurt her......a bunch of bull, can u see y I hate her.......Now I can honestly say that he has changed, he is not the man he used 2b, he proposed 2me, we set a date, n he doesn't talk 2her unless its about their baby (that he has yet 2c) so I hav really seen a change in him for the better. The problem is I want a child n he won't give me one and it really makes me angry. Its makes me angry cuz he has a child by a phycho wen it shudve ben me. Now he doesn't communicate w/ her on a social level which I love even tho she tries very hard n even wen she talks about me he shuts the convo down,trust me.i read all the texts.....i won't allow him 2talk 2her on the phone but still...how can I convince him 2giv me a child, he says he will, jus not now he's bein so dam stubborn n its pissin me off
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionlol no u dnt sound like a naggin mom n thanks ur advice helped me a lil n I agree with every thing u say except 4one thing.......he has never seen this child b4.....every time he tries 2make a trip 2wateva state she claims she's in she makes up an excuse about how he can't come...the last excuse was that she had 2go to jamaica 2c her dad...come to find out she lied about a whole heck if a lot of things...she was never in Georgia, she had the baby in jamaica. but since he found out she had the baby 3months afta the baby was born he sent packages of clothing n formula for the baby but she never picked it up. so he has tried to c his child n support the child but now the baby is 8months old n he still has not seen her, bcuz of this he is definetly goin 2get a dna test weneva it is that he see's this child, hopefully n july but the main problem is is that I can't help but 2want a child by him n I think the problem is that I hav mixed emotions...i want one bcuz I got rid of mine n I think I want one cuz I'm jealous n feel threatened by the whole situation....idk....thanx 4ur answer tho....really appreciate it
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2009): Well first off it's a good thing i have a teenager and can read the language :).. (just poking fun really!) Ok second here's what you need to know:
1. He has a baby no matter how much you hate her this is not the childs fault. Its hard to accept that but if you forgave him for what he did you need to encourage him to proceed to court for visitation rights and also encourage him to pay child support if he is not already. This is the very most responsible grown up thing you can ever do!
2. I understand how you must feel regarding the abortion and it seems this decision was one you let him make. Regardless having a baby for this guy when he is not taking care of a child he has already fathered does not show much responsibility on his part. Maybe you should reconsider who you want to father your children as they are in your life until the day you die!
3. Your still so young!!! You are making very big life changing decisions which im not sure you will feel the same about in a few years. Try to remember how you felt about someone when you were 15. Now only a few years later and look at how different you view life.
4. Ask yourself if you are in a good emotional situation to bring a baby into the world in the first place. Is it going to be a happy, healthy environment?
I dont mean to sound like an old nagging mom but I had my first child at 16 and I wish someone would have told me like it is now and then.
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