A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I've known him for 6 years. Last Monday, I told him I love him and that I'm available for him. He has never said I Love You back. He called earlier and I couldn't answer the phone. When I did call back, he said "oh, well...you were unavailable" I thought he was cheating on me, so I did a drive by. He's got someone else's car over tonite. I even snuck up to his window and saw the woman-she looked like a chimpanzee to me-both of them drinking beer. I left before it got chummy. I know she's sleeping over because his car is behind hers in the driveway. What's worse is I know her- she's younger, and works nights and is MARRIED. I feel like hell and like an idiot. I think about him all the time. I want to tell him off. I want to call his new girlfriend and tell her he's a cheat. I've broken it off with him 7 times-he keeps calling back after a week or two. Right now I hate him and I don't know what to do. Please help me cause I feel like shit. I know he'll call tomorrow...what should I say?
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male
reader, roadman  +, writes (3 January 2009):
 I put it to you like this..
If I listened to people who said get rid of things I wanted when they was running bad I wouldn't have the things today I loved.
Never give up on what you love.
If you see your actions are damaging then change.
If he a funny guy that makes you laugh then the last thing he going to want is you cramping his style with hate,rage,fuss and fighting,this man likes to enjoy life with a smile by the sound of things and entertain people.
When your not smiling he not happy,and every time you kick him out you open the door for new love to walk in.
A
male
reader, roadman +, writes (3 January 2009):
If he keeps knocking at your door time and time again then there a big chance he loves you more than you know and he in fact can't let go,but if there been endless years over fussing and fighting he's feelings may be damaged towards you where he can't bring himself to display this care..
In fact he already chained to you via the bond of love and memory,
The way I'd say to win this one is to tone your voice down towards his movements it seems he running from your voice and seeks peace in other women but your the one he loves.
The more you keep pushing him away for reasons that don't really matter the more damage you add to his pure feeling towards you the harder it becomes for him to display love but it don't mean he's not feeling you...
In simple words its your actions towards his life style thats turning him off..
If you love him then let him be free to do as he wishies show him you'll always be there for him,display comfort not rage,and over time he'll see for him self your the one to be with and forget the rest and roll with the best..
Forget about giving up becasue of ego,pride will get you nothing you want work from logic.
If you can talk like this hear,then you need to talk to him in the same way or send him this page 9 times out of 10 your telling the wrong people who need to know what is really up..
That could be another reason why he is finding it hard to spend time with you,becasue your to big headed about things that are not importent to him,which is another thing that will drive him away to another woman who may treat him like a king.
In simple words he fed up of the nosie and seeks peace in others,which don't mean he's heart is not all about you.
you know he may in fact be talking his problems to other women and saying things like how much he in fact loves you but all you do is moan and he can't take it..The fact that he keeps coming back time and time again to you would say to me he loves you more than you know but finds it hard to chill with you becasue you watch and judge his other movements in life that he enjoys..
Give it time,show endless love,understandings and passion,you may find you win this guy hook line and skinker.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionRoadman: Your insight is hard to read, but it rings of the truth...at least for this particular man. I often feel he goes where the wind blows.
I certainly don't want to chain him up. My ego wishes he'd have chained himself up-I'm spoiled because every other guy wanted more from me, and I was pretty mean until this one. He's not handsome, he's older and yet he makes me laugh.
I'm done though, because my ego is hurt. How dare he not care about me?
Life goes on...
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A
male
reader, roadman +, writes (2 January 2009):
Well the reason you may find your self hurting becasue you make too much fuss and its the fussing and fighting that leads to you losing what you what,and then when you lost what you want you find pain.
I never said anything about having sex and nor did you.
Let me tell you this,the fastest way to lose a man is make nosie in his head about everything he doing..
My lovers who love me learnt this the hard way with years of affairs which got them nothing apart from abuse from guys who have no idea how to care a woman..
When they left I was alone until new love came my way,I also made it clear to the new love that there is someone is out there I still love and care who is more than likely to come back when there see what is missing and there own feelings start to trouble them..
If you want a man you want to chain to yourself then you have to find a man who wants to be chained,what you need to do is state clearly to him if you want to be around me she has to go or your gone...
Then he'll have to weigh up the value of the connection,and if he moves on then you have to work out is it worth the pain or was I better just getting on with it,but I can tell you hooking up with a new men is not the answer to fixing your pains of love for someone else you'l just make the story more complex when your laying in bed with the new guy but your mind and feelings are still on the old one who you trully love.
If your love life is based on sex more than close bonding and friendship then you may have trouble coping with any man in your life unless that man just wants to be chain to yourside for the rest of his living days or play hide and seek and feed you a pack of lies..
In simple words your fussing = you pain when you kick him out.
Your fussing = I don't really want to spend time with you because you do my head in about what i wish to get up to..
Many may not agree but you know what I've been through a hell of a lot with my true lovers to be able to speak this and not many people can turn and say they've been with 1 person for 20 years and still counting and the reason where still counting is becasue anytime there has been disputes or affairs true love has seen us through it and kept us together not small mindedness and foucsing on what is not importent..
The reason why my lovers and female friends stick by is becasue no matter what I'm there for them,I don't judge them for there wrong doings,I try to understand them and learn from them 9 times out of 10 its what I've done thats pushed them to what they've done,and to stop the same thing from happening time and time again I learn from it and correct myself to make things run better even if it means sometimes putting up with things I don't like until the person see's for them self what they are doing is no good and makes a correction so we progress and not stay in the same mode.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionRoadman: I have kicked up quite a fuss many, many times. I can't help it! i don't know of many women who wouldn't kick up a fuss at the antics he's pulled like, telling me he's tired and going to bed...I do a drive by and see someone else's car there...telling me he's too busy to get together with me for the holidays, and then getting dropped off at work in the morning by some girl...when I asked him if he was interested in someone else, he denied there was anyone else and kissed me on the forehead...
...I get the impression that he thinks so little of me, and I am not fond of that idea...it hurts my self esteem so much, that I break it off quietly...I thank him for all the good memories (whether they were good or not), I am not sarcastic nor nasty, but I break it off because it hurts too much to feel so insignificant.
It is probably as hard for you to understand why monogamy is important to me-as hard as it is for me to understand how you could have many lovers, all of which know about each other and just take turns with you, each one happy to share a piece of you (You must be one hell of a lay!).
I couldn't do that, and yet, I wish I could.
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A
male
reader, roadman +, writes (2 January 2009):
I'm just reading into what you said,the key in your question that got me is that you said you keep breaking it off with him and he keeps coming back to you,which would say to me he has feelings towards you and is not happy with out you..
Like you said she's married and its his new lady friend..I my self have many women friends who are very close to me and whos company I enjoy & I don't wish to lose them in any way..
My lovers over the years have found it hard to get along with this,but as the years have gone by they started to understand this and let me enjoy being me and free to talk and share company with who ever I wish and enjoy life with out them acting towards me in rage about it and starting a massive dispute,at the end of the day you have to vaule what your guy means to you.
As clearly him and a married woman is having a peaceful friendship enjoying time together and there not disputing over the fact she is married or he has contact with you..
The key to enjoying a good love life is
A.understandings and B.Enjoying what you get and not what you don't..
Being mad or in rage gets you little worth talking about..If your not happy or can't deal with it then just move on to someone who acts in the way you wish to,or talk to him about the problems your having and then it will be up to him to vaule his connection to you,and if he to make change,but I tell you what kicking up a fuss about it not going to get you any where far..
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionRoadman: She's more than company, but thank you for responding...She also set up his tree for him, and hosted his Christmas party. She is his new girlfriend whom he's telling everyone about.
I'm too old to think it was just his presents he was unwrapping on Christmas morning!
I, for my sake, threw myself into my own holiday gatherings and have since met 2 new gentlemen who are rivals for attention from me.
The other fellow and I are no longer talking (because it still hurts me).
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A
male
reader, roadman +, writes (1 January 2009):
Well in this story its like this..if you love someone then no matter who or what should be able to tear it apart,we all get mad or feel rage when someone we love acts in away we don't like,but it sounds to me,you guy was just having a bit of company for the evening..We all need friends outside of our love life,and its importent to understand this..
You need to drop your hate and rage,and apply love to the matter in question,in other words look on the bright side,he's yours and always runs to you..
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAlso, re-reading my first question and everyone's comments helps as time goes by...Petina1-yes, she does resemble a yeti!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionPetina1, the truth hurts. I know what to do...and I hate it when women say "but I loved him..." especially after they've been treated badly. It's my pride that is wounded above all else. I didn't love him-not in the kind of way where you would consider someone to be a potential mate....but I wanted him to love me. I treated it all like a kind of game that I would potentially win. It was an ego boost-and it wound up being an ego bust.
I am now concentrating on family and friends...and looking for other ways to build back my self esteem by volunteering for projects. It's been a while since I really felt like myself. I will have to fake it till I make it.
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A
female
reader, petina1 +, writes (14 December 2008):
 Great! I love what you say, especially about the lipstick looking better on you than his truck. You sound like you know what you want now and it's not him. I don't like it when you add, about him hurting and you not liking it. Don't let him fool you, it is just a ploy some men use to play on our emotions. Did he feel sorry for you or realize how bad it was for you when you caught him cheating with the yeti woman, no. So really, find someone who would never ever cheat on you because he loves y ou so much and he loves your sexual kisses 'with your sexy red lipstick' .... hope this helps.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI went to a party wearing my red lipstick, Petina1, and had a great time. It did look better on me than on his truck! It's Brandywine Red.He called twice this morning- I answered after the second time- I guess I'm a little afraid of him still- He was in a bad mood, I stayed nuetral. I told him I wished him and his family a merry christmas and that he really needs to focus his attention elsewhere- and he hung up on me. i called back and said, I'm really not trying to hurt you...and he hung up again.I feel shitty-and yet part of me knows, he wanted me to feel this way. He likes to think he's a master at manipulation. I know I'll miss talking to him after a few days because when I pull away, he becomes light-hearted and actually funny. As long as you're not his lover, you're safe...I once worked for him ( 5 years ago) and was warned by a couple of friends of his that he was terrible to his women, and that he was sick-minded. I thought I was immune...that I was strong enough to enjoy the flattery of his pursuit but that I would never give in. I did give in, and , for a while, I enjoyed a relationship that I now know was never real. He was an expert sexual technician--but without any love....I think it was like a basketball game to him: fun and enjoyable but unemotional. Whereas, as a woman, I thought I could keep it unemotional...but the female side, hormones...whatever makes you form attachments. I tried to stay cool, but I'm really not able to do it.I think I've learned that about myself throughout this process.My weakness will be when I start to wonder if he's hurt...
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A
female
reader, petina1 +, writes (13 December 2008):
Keep hating him, and then start forgetting him. You arent there for him to pick up and drop whenever he feels like it. Don't waste your lipstick on his truck, put it on your lips after you have got all 'glammed' up to go out and live your life without him. The man who is really meant to be with you, is out there waiting, so off you go and good luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI keep letting go-
1. I told him I never want to hear from him again
2. I was at one time working for him, and I told him then, I do not want to work for him nor with him in any possible way, shape or form
3. I wrote on his truck-you are a fraud, a phony, and a liar! I hate you!-in lipstick on the hood and windshield
4. I arranged to meet him at a bar but had a note delivered to him instead saying-I never want to see you again-It's over go home
I'm not stupid, a little dramatic, but not stupid. He usually waited a few weeks before he'd call "just to see if I was still alive". By then I'd be in I Miss You mode. I feel like an idiot.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi aunts,
Well he did call and acted like everything was fine. I'd left a text for him saying, "Have a great night with ugly-bear" (I've learned they call each other Big Bear and Lil Bear)...How immature of me. Anyway, he laughed and said he knew she looked like a troll, and why was I firing a cannon at him? Didn't I think he knew what he was doing?
I take it to mean he wants me to think he has a reason...but, I know I hate being around someone I don't like, so I guess he's now pretending he is using her? I don't buy it.
What do you think?
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A
female
reader, petina1 +, writes (12 December 2008):
Give the chimp a bunch of bananas and tell her she's welcome to him. Dump him, you will never ever find happiness with him. hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (12 December 2008):
Wow, i can understand why you must be feeling so bad!
First of all, telling this other women that this guy is a cheat probaly wont make her back away, after all, she is married so she clearly sees nothing wrong with it! Secondly, dont take your anger/frustrations out on the other women, because ultimatly, it his HIS fault. He is the one who is seeing you and going behind your back. Shes not going behind yours, its him.
Honestly, he sounds like a loser. What type of guy says he loves you and then has another person stay the night??? Sounds like he probably was hoping to get into your pants or something.
You said you have broken it off with him 7 times before, i am wondering wh ythis is? he obviosuly causes you alot of hurt. Its not worth it! Trust me, no guy is worth your tears!!!
I think you should move on. Let go of him, he isnt worthy of you.
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