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female
,
anonymous
writes: This is really embarrassing but it is causing me a lot of grief and affecting my relationship with my boyfriend. I am in a serious relationship with a really decent guy and we have spoken about moving in together once we have enough savings. Our relationship would be almost perfect if it wasn't for one problem - I am insecure and feel threatened by other women. I know he would never cheat on me but I feel insecure because before he met me he owned adult magazines and DVD. I felt uncomfortable knowing he had this kind of material and so asked him to get rid of it. He gave me the dvd to get rid of but wouldn't give me the magazine. He assures me though that he got rid of it. However, I don't believe that he has because why not give it me to get rid of coz then I would know for definite it was gone. he said he didn't give it me coz he knew i would start asking him questions about the women in it and make him compare them to me which would make him uncomfortable. He is always telling me that he is no longer attracted to other women and doesn't look at other women (I have never actually seen him ogling other women) and only thinks of me in that way but I keep badgering him about it and keep feeling insecure. It is driving him away. I really don't want to lose him but I have become obsessed with the fact he has/had adult material. Please can someone help me to realise how stupid I am being.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (29 March 2006):
 You need to find out why you are feeling so insecure about your self. The easiest way is through counseling. You will lose all the petty jealousy once you realize your self worth. This kind of behavior can ruin an otherwise wonderful relationship and make the lover run for cover. Get that help very soon. A competent therapist will have you feeling better about yourself in no time. It's a very common problem and one that is easy to recover from but it can be very damaging until it's addressed. Good luck, you'll be fine I'm sure.
A
female
reader, Jadzia1127 +, writes (29 March 2006):
 In a relationship trust is the most important key to deep meaningful love.
Yet if he has done nothing to lose your trust, then trust him. Tell him: 1. you completely trust him 2. if he said he threw them away, then he threw them away, 3. he is a man of his word and that is why you love him! Then don't bring it up again.
If you can't get over it then you need a bit of counseling to get to the root of the insecurity.
If he has done other things to make you think he is not trustworthy then trust your gut feeling and go with that.
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