A
female
age
41-50,
*arrie191204
writes:Hello,i am a 26 year old female with what i always thought was quite a lot of confidence about my body!Recently i have discovered that my partner of almost 7 years has been using porn frequently-now i don't mind the porn,its the skinny size 0 girls he seems to enjoy watching that bothers me.When we met i was 19 and slim and now after 1 child and one on the way(1 am 7 months pregnant)my body is not as it was!!!!He has always reassured me that he loves my body and likes that i have a rather large bum,but after seeing what he has been watching i am worried he has only been telling me this to keep me from worrying!!I talked to him as soon as i found the internet history and he was very sorry and said that in no way was i to ever feel inaddequate and that he loves me and that it is just an idol male thing!!!We had a big heart to heart and i came to the reconing that we just need to spend more time "together"!Anyway i have learnt how to use the computer properly now and have since then been able to find all his query's on these website and he has been searching for women wearing eye glasses!?!?!?!!?Has anybody ever heard of this sort of fetish??????Also squirting???????The most confusing is that most of the videos were anal sex!!I have asked in the past if that is something he would like to do but he has always said "no" but i don't know wether that is because early in our relationship i stated that i thought it was quite disgusting and a turn off!!But if he is watching so much of it must be a fantasy of his!!So all in all i don't know how to ask him about his fantasies of women in glasses/squirting and anal sex?!?!!?!?!?Please someone give me some advice as this is weighing on my mind,Thanks.
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anal sex, confidence, porn, squirt, the internet Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2009): you don't need them - I suspect he does if he cant see how lovely you are and how daft he has been.
Star.x.
A
female
reader, Carrie191204 +, writes (21 April 2009):
Carrie191204 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your advice!It has helped and this weekend i'm going to specsavers!!!!!!:)x
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2009):
I hate to tell you this, but you are pregnant and therefore supposed to look like a hormonal hippo. This has nothing to do with him (ok that sounded a little weird to me - so ignoring the obvious participation at the start bit) Your body doing what it should be doing to have the baby. You will be skinny again soon.
I have worries that too much porn is slanting how people see sex - e.g. the sex is brilliant with donkey man and lasts for days and they never have to change the sheets. that's not how it is for me (especially the donkey man bit). So as long as he knows the difference between screen and life and doesn't wave the porn thing in your face - e.g. would rather surf than actually shag. then i guess its ok in moderation.
Now the fetish thing - don't read anything into it - it does not mean anything more than if he was watching westerns you would have to dress as Annie Oakley. He just has a thing now on the stick-glasses-anal-squirting-aliens topic for now.
I have some questions back that might help with this:
How is the sex life otherwise? how much does porn does he do? how addicted is he?
Hope it helps,
Star.x.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2009): There's all sorts of fetishes, some obvious to understand, some less so but I'd say he's got more of a fascination for the rather more weird and unusual traits in women than an actual fetish, especially the squirting thing. It's interesting to watch - much the same as motor sport or football or whatever, and the availability of this stuff on the internet makes it very easy to access. Call it curiosity if you wish. Like picking up a copy of The Sun and turning straight to page 3.
I really don't think you have much to worry about. If he says he likes you the way you are there's a pretty good chance that he means what he says.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2009): Everyone has sexual fantasies, and from what you've said I think that your man is watching this porn because it depicts his fantasy. What worries me is the frequency with which he is watching the porn rather than the type of porn. I say this because most people would rather be having sex than watching sex, it's more fun.You are correct that you need to spend more time with each other. I can only add that he needs to spend less time watching porn and more time discussing his sexual tastes with you. Obviously going size sero is out of the question since you're expecting a child (also personally don't get the whole ultra skinny thing, size zero people look like famine victims in my opinion), but if there are any of his fetishes that you could indulge without feeling uncomfortable then I would encourage you to do so. Maybe buy a pair of sunglasses and let him pick them.The problem I see is the breakdown in communication, That's something you both need to work on. I don't think you should ban him from the porn or get upset about him watching it, just attempt to gradually shift him away from it by talking. If you're willing to talk to him about his sexual tastes, you will probably find that he spends less time looking at porn without you ever having to tell him to.DaughterUK
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