A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm starting to get a bit annoyed at my boyfriend but I'm not sure if I'm overreacting or not. He has a habit of calling me and expecting me to be ready to see him at a moment's notice, and if I say I can't he doesn't seem to understand why not. For example he might call me on a Sunday at 12pm and ask if I want to go for lunch. He expects me to be ready immediately and if I tell him it will take me a couple of hours to finish what I'm doing and get ready he just doesn't get it! If he asked me to be ready the night before at 'X' time then I'd plan around that, but he won't do that as he says he doesn't know when he'll be ready. So basically I'm supposed to just sit and wait for him to call when he's ready?!It's the same if his plans fall through and he asks me to come round to his. He doesn't get it if I tell him no because I'm in my PJs and in the middle of a relaxing night in. To him that means I'm doing nothing and could therefore see him, but to me it seems as though I'm supposed to be available the minute it suits him and it's starting to bug me.In fact the reason I'm writing this post is that tonight I'd arranged to go to see him once he finished work at 9pm. I was doing bits and bobs in my house, putting some washing in the machine and painting my nails etc when he called at 8pm and said he'd got home early. He wanted me to go straight round and when I said I'd see him at 9pm once I was finished he got a bit huffy because in his opinion I never stop doing 'stupid stuff' to make the effort to see him. I told him I feel he has no respect for my time or the fact I have other things to do. Even if they're not urgent things, I still need/want to do them and I actively work my schedule out so I can do things like that when I have free time. I actually used to reschedule stuff more for him in the past but it's really starting to get to me now. If he'd even told me at 7pm that he was finishing early then that would be more reasonable, but to call at 8pm and expect me to be ready on demand is what annoys me. He will only make solid plans if we have something like a party to go to, but other than that he's not keen on making plans in advance. Which wouldn't be so bad if he didn't then expect me to be ready without any notice (we've been together for 3 years so surely he gets that it takes girls time to get ready?!). I don't know, am I being unfair? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (5 December 2013):
 I think he's over the top too.. can't he be alone for a minute by himself without a plan?
It does sound like he thinks your entire life centers around him and his needs and you sit and wait on baited breath for him to beckon and call you.
I'd be annoyed too. He's taking you for granted.
to the first anonymous male poster... doing it ONCE in a while might be nice but it sets a precedence that he believes he has the right to demand attention when he wants it from her.
OP if he's a spur of the moment guy and you are not that type of woman perhaps you are not well suited to each other?
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (5 December 2013):
 So you are at home, doing your nails, cleaning the over, writing emails, even playing a computer game, and he phones you and you are supposed to just stop what you are doing, drop everything, and rush on over?
Excuse me!
When does he rush to your place, knocking madly on the door "I've finished work an hour early, and I couldn't wait to see you"?
What does he think you do when you are not at his place, get packed up in a deep dark box until he is ready for you again? Has he no idea you are a real live, living, thinking human being, who doesn't need to be at his place to be able to breath?
You are right, he has no respect for your time or you as a person. By saying the stuff you do is stupid he is discounting all that you are.
I suggest you sit down and have a good long think about this relationship, and where you would like it to go, and how you think it is going to get there.
In your situation I would be laying my cards on the table and letting him know just how his attitude towards you is starting to affect you. If he can't see it, or accept your words then seriously consider either accepting this as a preview of what the rest of your life will be like or walk.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (5 December 2013):
 I think he is being ridiculous. HE IS expecting you to sit ready and waiting for him to call, and then WHEN he "snaps" his finger you are supposed to come running?
Have you actually EXPLAINED that it's not working for you? And is this something new? You said you have been together 3 years so SURELY he should have gotten it by now or is it just lately that it annoys you or lately that he started doing this?
That wouldn't fly with me either.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2013): I think it would be nice of you to surprise him for once and when he calls and says oh could you come now or I've finished early come over now, you say ok why not and go. You have no idea how much that'd emean to him and he'd feel that you were really making an effort and he'd appreciate it.
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