A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I was seeing a guy for a few weeks and all was going really well, we got on brilliantly and talked all day everyday even txting at work. I hadn't gotten on so well with anyone so quickly and things were fantastic. Unfortunately a few weeks in he realised I smoke. I had never hidden it and had not noticed I didn't smoke when I was with him. After finding out I smoke things got a bit cold. Through txt he informed me his brother had died of lung cancer and couldn't be with someone who smoked as he would always worry he would have to go through it again. I told him that I was planning on giving up smoking, which was true and I had items to help quit smoking. And that this was the push I had needed to just do it and not put it off. But he said that this was all very serious and dramatic and that we should just end the whole thing. I have now been off cigarettes for 2 weeks and honestly don't even want another cigarette.I still think about him and miss him a lot. I'm just wondering how to proceed? Do I just cut my losses and try get over him? Or maybe in a month or so send him a quick txt saying that I've been off cigarettes for that period of time and wanted to thank him for giving me the push I needed, in the hope that maybe we can get talking and see if things could start up again? Or is that crazy?
View related questions:
at work, period Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (10 November 2014):
 I'd say give it a month, then send him a "thanks for the push to quit" - but DO it without the ulterior motive of winning him back.
IF he LIKED you initially, maybe he will suggest going out again, maybe he won't.
However, quitting is GREAT - I smoked for 7-8 years and it took me 3 times to quit. I tried the gum first (back when it tasted like ashtrays lol) it lasted 6 months, then I tried the patches and it lasted 6 months again. Smoking was REALLY bothering me and it WAS a crutch and a bad habit. However ME quitting those two times made my dad (who had smoked for 30+ years) quit smoking. He BET me and my brother $500 if we could quit. So guess what? I quit, didn't use ANYTHING but willpower to do it.
To quit a bad habit or minor addiction (because that is what smoking comes down to) we need inspiration and we need a push. HE was your push, but YOU are the one DOING it.
STICK to not smoking. Watch your eating habits and pay attention to those situation where you USED to smoke. The nicotine craving aren't all the way out of your system (2-3 weeks) and you might even find yourself with nicotine withdrawal. THESE are really unpleasant. You will have vivid dreams that you smoked and wake up feeling guilty... Those are horrible too, but not abnormal.
YOU can do it. And you should. Do it for you.
It took my husband to have a heart attack/heart surgery to quit smoking. But he did, cold turkey.
http://www.webmd.com/smoking-cessation/features/surviving-without-smoke
This is a good site for help and suggestions to make quitting easier!
GOOD luck.
A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (9 November 2014):
 Good on you. But keep in mind if you do get back with him n you have an argument of some sort will you go back to smoking 'just one'?.. For some men like him and myself smoking is a major turnoff and deal breaker. Id wait another few weeks before u contact him and if he shows no interest you have your answer.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2014): No, it is not crazy.You have made a big effort for him but ultimately the pay off is greatest for yourself.I won't blame him for not liking the fact you smoke and being early on in the relationship, he was able to walk away more easily than had he been with you for a longer time and then found out.We all have our relationship criteria. I would not date a smoker either but some people are fine with it. He wasn't.But.... Why wait a month? Why not text him tomorrow to tell him you have been off cigarettes for two weeks. And that you feel good and no longer want to smoke. Thank him for his support. Ask him how he is doing and if he would like to get together for coffee soon? Then you will have your answer.Hey, nothing ventured, nothing gained.You have done your part. Now you must see if he is willing to do his. If your being smoke free for two weeks and your doing the work means anything to him, he will pick up where you left off.But if he is not receptive, you will have to move on. Just know you did your best and gave it your best shot. Some people just make up their minds and move on. And are not open to second chances.But send the text soon. No need to wonder and put yourself through the not knowing for another month....But keep up with the no smoking. You are so young. It is a horrible habit and will ruin your health, your quality of life and ultimately it could take your life. I applaud you on being smoke free for two weeks! Keep it up! That is an amazing accomplishment for you. :)
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2014): I would wait until you are have not smoked for over a month because saying "I have not smoked in over a month" sounds better than "I haven't smoked in two weeks".
...............................
|
