A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:2 month ago I got dumped. This guy is the love of my life, my soul mate and my best friend and now its gone. Over time you're suppost to heal right and gradually forget well I love this guy more right now than I did 2 month ago and losing him has made me realise how much he meant to me and how much I want to spend my life with him.He dumped me though because he became depressed. He lost all feelings and emotions and told me he wants to be friends because he doesnt want a relationship and that love is so exhausting and tiring and he is to lazy to keep one up. I accepted this because honestly I have never seen anyone become as depressed as he did, when I looked at his face (on webcam it was a LDR and we saw each other every few months, even though I am actually moving there by the end of the year) he wasnt there, it was as though he no longer existed.Anyway I mailed him a few days ago telling him all my feelings and thoughts and explained basically whats happened to me over this 2 months (alot because I have not dealt with it very well) and his reply was sorry that i feel the way i do and that he doesnt want me to feel bad and is very sorry for it but we're over and thats final and then wished me good luck with a situation that is about to occur with me.I want to know what I should do? I am deeply in love with this guy and I want to spend the rest of my life with him and Ive been with him now for over 3 years and its been some of the best time of my life, we look and get along perfectly together and I want him back. But im lost now. I need him but all he does is sit in his room and play games, he doesnt socialise or anything. The only time he leaves his house is to go to work (in which he doesnt socialise there either) and goes to class (in which again doesnt socialise). I want to help him and I want him to be happy. But I dont know how, but also should I want to do this? Maybe im wrong and should try let him go, idk? Im 22 by the way and he is 21.Any advice would be appreciated, please and thank you.
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female
reader, Lovesaidno  +, writes (15 June 2011):
 I agree here....and I heard that it takes a month for every year that you was with a person to get over them, so your looking at least 3 months here dear....
BUTTTTT if you do want to get your ex back, I can give you some suggestions.
1.Write him and tell him that you are ok with the breakup(for now) and apologise for any wrong doing on your part(if you haven't done anything wrong, DO NOT APOLOGIZE)Wish him well and leave it at that.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2011): I myself am in a similar position and to no avail has he answered me,i know now deep in my heart that he has gone an he is never going to return to me and as much as my heart cries out for him i have to take care of myself and start back that long road to recovery if i ever recover but i have to try
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A
female
reader, zebralove  +, writes (14 June 2011):
 You don't love him more now then you did before. Your just thinking of all the good memories you have made together instead of the bad ones.Your depression brought him down aswell, you need to understand how hard it is to be with someone who is depressive. Its not healthy, not for you and not for him. You can't make him deal with this if he deosn't want to.I may sound harsh but I have been in your position and in his position, if you want him to be happy, let him go. You need to focus on other things now and a relationship is the last thing that should be on your mind because it will only make matters worse.
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A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (14 June 2011):
 you need to give up i think, he knows how you feel and he has confirmed again to you that his decision is final. how can he make it more clear? if he doesn't socialise in college, work or out of work then maybe he has some kind of personality disorder (google 'avoidant personality disorder' and see if this sounds like him) and if so, is that really the sort of person you want to have a relationship with? it would mean it'd be just YOU AND HIM, never socialising with others, we probably would not want to get involved too much with your friends or family and may resent it if you want to spend time with others. as for the miserable face on web cam... did it occur to you that this was because he had decided that he was no longer into you? you say he is depressed, is he actively trying to do anything to resolve this?
i don't mean to be harsh, i know it is awful to be dumped - been there! but you WILL get over it in time (8 weeks is not long, so don't be impatient with yourself) it takes time to make sense of it, then heal, then start to feel like your old self again, but i promise you that you will.
fill your life with other things. plan things you can look forward to, take up a hobby, see your family and friends, try to have fun as often as you can. eat well, look after yourself physically and this will really help you mentally, get outdoors as often as you can, take exercise. these things will all help
x
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