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female
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anonymous
writes: He looks or looked at porn, has downloaded porn from the net. we talked about it and i how i feel about it and well it doesnt look like he is going to stop because he doesnt think its a problem. i see him as a pig and pervert and im disgusted by him. he has been looking for a while now, and i still havnt accepted it. he makes excuses like, well other guys look at it and well theirs nudity on the shows we watch. i of course told him well women cheat on their men and that doesnt make it ok for me to cheat and the nudity is more romantic and passionate on the shows we watch not hardcore porn. he just made dumb ass excuses. i even said how would u like it if i looked at naked men and compaired them to him. and i also said u can watch me having sex with another man, its still porn, ( i wasnt serious when i said that, just making a point) .dont what to do. and to make things worse. the sex is getting less and less. i just cant stand to look at him most of the time, cuz im just so disgusted.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, loopeelala +, writes (8 December 2006):
bless you! I know exactly how you feel, I don't know the answer but how do you get thru or over it. it is a trust thing i feel and it makes me feel worthless and used! why sleep with him when he prob is thinking of other women with bigger features than us !! there are men who respect women out there but very hard to find. if you know the answer please let me know, i'm rowing in the same boat as you, it shouldn't be in your face but least he isn't lying to you like mine is!!! all the best X
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2006): you people who think its ever ok or normal need to wake up and realise theres plenty of us guys out there who hate porn crap.....why waste your time with losers who lust after other chicks find one of us real guys. we're out there.
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A
female
reader, Wendyg  +, writes (7 December 2006):
 Has there been a time when he hasnt looked at porn and then still doenst come to you ?
The two might not be linked... When i say that... He could just be getting off to porn as an outlet,rightly or wrongly, but it doesnt always mean that because he is doing that hes gone off you...or finds them better, or wants one of them, what im getting at... is... Is he stressed ? a quick whack off alleviates pressure, stops men feeling depressed.. Men do view porn and sex as two entirely different things... for example, they may not feel sexy for what ever reason but still have an itch to scratch.. So the easy way to that is a whack off to porn.. yep we slate the men for it, but they are simple creatures and quite literally when they are looking at the girl on the screen thats all they are seeing, the second its gone they move on to the next shiney thing!
Now he might be up for a shuffle, but might not be feeling sexy, or himself or maybe hes not feeling quite right, in that circumstance it comes down to performance and the fact that he might not perform.. a man thats already feeling a bit odd or low for whatever reason can feel a whole tonne worse if hes got someone else to worry about... It might help to ask if he does have a problem, self doubt, feeling unwell and so on before you make it a bigger issue, of course he is going to defend himself when questioned as its something he wants to do and hes more than likely embarrased to have to explain himslef as hes been caught... Explain to him why you are bothered.. the fact your sex life is suffering and maybe discuss where you can go from here together, if you really dont get anywhere and your not happy you may have to re evaluate the situation... but everyone deserves a fair hearing so give him one and see where you go... Just to put a spin it... not everything is as clear cut as we think.. yes we think men turning to porn is the easy option, but sometimes it is a stress buster and a mans outlet without feeling they have to perform all the while, not all men stand to attention the second we want them too, some do have strong feelings about it too, society tells us that men want sex 24/7 but infact some men have to be in the mood too! Made to feel special and all that.. its not always all about the women... And hey lets face it... his right arm isnt going to nag him!
Anyway I think everyone deserves a hearing so lay it out and see where you end up... it cant hurt to talk about it rather than harbour it up getting cross..
Take care x x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2006): I wish my husband would look at porn. It's so mass-productive, artificial and distant, that it causes me minimal jealousy compare to what he watches now.
Instead of porn, he watches very attractive ladies giving lapdances and other (half)naked dancers on webcams etc. That is a tad more painful, because the distance is also smaller. I mean, they could even meet on MSN or so.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2006): Way to go Irish...you said it all...spot on
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2006): Irish49 Has said it all. I back her all the way! Dump this loser, you don't have to put up with this and shouldn't do. There are plenty of great guys out there.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2006): You and he have very different values here and this relationship likely won't have a future. I can tell by reading your posting, you are voicing your disgust with his habit but at the same time you are looking for validation that you are right on this issue. Let me just say, you don't need validation--there are many women in your situation who hate porn and what it does to their relationships. But what a lot of these women do..is they take the safe route of not risking a change or ldealing with a loss. Many women have this mentality that 'it must be me' syndrome of dealing with a loved one's inaapropriate behaviour. What happens is these women gain an identity by constantly convincing themselves they 'need to be attached' to this man. So my dear, you are not wrong. I just am worried that you are acting so desperate to be wanted by this guy, that you may not care what type of person he is. His actions have told you that. Women have to stop wanting to be chosen..they have to think smart and do the choosing themselve. So ask yourself "do I want a man in my life who takes part in these behaviours?" Any women with self-respect would say "no way" Dump this loser and go find a man, whom you can 'choose' and he lives up to your value system....good luck
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