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female
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*race123
writes: My bf and I have been together for 2 years and 6 months. We got together at a young age; I was 16, he was 17 and have been in a relationship ever since. This wasnt my first relationship but it was his. Everything was great until I admitted to cheating on him with my ex a couple months into the relationship. Since then we have hit some major bumps in the road but we have been able to pull through. It seemed like we were gonna be together forever up until a couple weeks ago... I never ever ever in my wildest dreams would think of breaking up with him, but day by day I think of it more and more. I think our problem is each other. He doesn't trust me for as far as he can throw me. I can't work anywhere where males will be around. We can't walk the streets holding hands because he thinks I just check out guys. So he looks dumb. If I'm at home and my brother has friends over, he thinks I've cheated on him. On my end, I don't trust him because I've treated him so mean in the past that I think he will cheat on me because I deserve it. I get intimidated easily around certain girls because I know he likes them more and I know in the past I haven't been the greatest gf. So what if he meets a girl at school and notices she's way better than me and leaves me? I dunno. All this is leading up to drama and fights, crying, yelling and somtimes hitting. I don't want us to end. I'm sooooo in love with him but it's getting to be too much to handle. I just need some advice.
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reader, Dazzerg  +, writes (9 February 2006):
 I notice that you say there is hitting involved. If that is the case then I feel that you need to do something about this question urgently. All you are doing is hurting each other. I can tell that you love this guy very much and deeply regret what you did but there does come a point where you have to cut yourself some slack to be human: you made a mistake and yes that was unfair on him and wrong of you but everybody deserves a second chance.
You are making each other so unhappy and that is why you are both looking for a exit from the relationship. At the very least you need a break and space to resolve this but you do have to realise it may not be possible to save the relationship. You have to stop torturing yourself and accepting this situation because in your eye's you 'deserve it'.
I know it is going to be hard because of how you feel about this guy but you do have to think about your own happiness and safety. I am so sorry I couldn't be of more help but please take care of yourself.
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