A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So i've been with my boyfriend 5 years and i've talk to him in so many ways that i cannot keep track of. i have a child with him and i don't know what to do about our relationship. sometimes it feels like he loves me and sometimes he feels indifferent towards me. for example when i went through rape, and then my whole famiily not speaking to me because i said something about it, he was there for me he tried to cheer me up, he helped me take care of my sisters(they were staying with me), and he let me cry on his shoulder. but now he leaves me alone all the time, if i feel sad(because my family doesn't speak to me) he says there u go again and gets angry, he doesn't conversate with me unless i just bust out in tears, and now some of his family looks at me like i'm some sort of disgusting disease because of what happened. i know i shouhldn't care about what people think of me. but he doesn't understand how hard it is to not be able to go to your own mother's funeral because she won't speak to you, or to not be able to call an aunt for advice, or to not be able to cry on a cousin's shoulder. i know that it's probably not fair for me to ask him to be with me through all this and i don't expect him to. but he won't leave me and i don't know what that means. does he love me or not?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2010): What a terrible, terrible experiencing to go through, oh how sorry I am you are so distressed and don't feel you can go to your family, as you indicate you would like to.
Rape is the most degrading and emotionally abusive situation a female can ever endure, and to add to this the inability to share your feelings with close family, I cannot begin to imagine how isolated and lonely you must feel. Before dealing with your boyfriend and your relationship with him, I would urge you to seek professional help, perhaps a therapist, a counselling service aimed at those who have gone through a similar experience, so you can deal with these internal feelings that are holding you back from moving forward with some security in your self.
I only hope you are looking after yourself and child as much as you can right now - I know when one is emotionally low, all kinds of things can further our despair, but please ensure your child comes first, and try NOT to let your boyfriend add to your feelings of loneliness, difficult I know, but you must deal with this rape that has overshadowed and distorted your life into an endless need for support, which you so clearly don't feel you're getting right now.
Sorry not to have dealt with the original question about whether your boyfriend really loves you or not- but with such little to go one, a few lines, it would not be a very accurate answer, and I wouldn't consider giving you an answer that you may take seriously, without having relationship history, that would not be right. And for me, the rape is a far more pressing and vital issue to deal with currently.
Please, please try to get help with this.
Jilly x
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