A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi there, I've been with my partner bout 11 years. Four years ago he had an affair which lasted on and off a year.. he eventually left but never admitting the affair saying he was working until he had no option but to tell the truth. After a bit I gave him another chance, you see he was drinking a lot and doing cocaine, so I said he had to stop if he wanted to come home.. that was 4 years ago and he did stop and came back, we have 4 children under 8.. we got married not even 2 years ago and about 8 months ago he left, telling me all different stories about doing dodgy work etc he can't be here.. I've told him I know he's cheating and to just be straight and get a divorce etc, but he won't admit it. He swears on the children's lives that he isn't, he's just trying to make money to make our life better.. I know he is lying, why won't he just be honest and then we can get on with our seperate lives..? He doesn't even see the children, I don't get what the point is... I've been sooooooo nice to him to try and get him to admit it and come and see the kids but he just lies sooooooooo much..?? I saw him nearly 2 weeks ago somewhere I knew he had an appointment, he was a bit shocked but was like I love you, I'm coming home soon, I'm just doing something... I said I've sent divorce papers off so come on let's be adults and move on and he was like I'm not cheating on you and I'm not divorcing you... why is he doing this, he doesn't love or want me so why...? Sorry it's long x
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affair, divorce, I love you, money, move on Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2008): thanx for ur replies.... about the divorce, he has no money... he has been on benefits, which i have had to go on also..so worrying about paying out for the children is definatly not anything he is worrying about as if i went through the proper ways he would only have to pay something stupid like few pounds a wk per child as he no job etc... i honestly have said to him its over i even said i met someone else in which he said it is never gonna be over and sort of hit me and got angry when i said about the other person, i dont mean beat me up this was in the street at the appointment i said b4, there were 2 police that came running over to c wot was going on and talk to us both etc... i got in the car and left, but he rang me later that nite and said can i come and talk to u i said no all i want is 4 u 2 c the kids thats it.. he just always answers with im comming home soon, im not cheating on u etc, etc.. but then i dont hear from him again ..its just unneccesary, x
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2008): Yes, indeed a very difficult and tricky situation you are in. He is taking advantage of you. He is making sure you are the loyal faithfull mother and wife while is is upto what ever tricks. I do believe you are doing the right thing by issuing divorce papers. In reality you don't have a husband and the children does not have a loving father around. (A marriage only on paper). No I think you should proceed with the divorce papers,that might bring him to a STOP. Maybe he change his behavior and become a loving caring husband and father, but for how long?
I think you need to decide if you want to give him another chance. If not just proceed with the divorce. Should you give him another chance you need to spell out the rules very clearly and he needs to adhere to the rules.
You and your kids deserve better. My thoughts are with you.
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