A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Please could somebody help with the below before I lose my mind? I apologise in advance if this gets long winded!I’ve been with my partner 8 years. There is a 15 year age gap - he was divorcing when we met and his family frowned upon this. For this reason he has never told them about me. They know I exist but they don’t like me so he denies we are an item.When we got together he told me to give him time and that this would change - three years ago I had had enough and walked away. His response was to propose. He bought the ring etc and we even talked dates! Over time he started to change the subject whenever I brought up the ‘M’ word and so I stopped wearing the ring. I suppose it’s not so important but the sex life is also not great - we just don’t have that connection. If i’m honest i’m holding back emotionally and kidding myself that one day I will grow a pair and end it once and for all.I have tried to break up the relationship a few times - the last time being the most successful at 3 months (this was at the start of the year). The reason i took him back was because we had a holiday planned which i couldn’t afford to buy him out of and didn’t want to let my child down (who was looking forward to the trip).I’m so fed up I just want out so I can find happiness with somebody who can give me what I want - a stable relationship where my partner doesn’t feel ashamed to admit that we’re together. Alright so I may want the big white wedding some day also and the possibility of more children (I have a child who is not my partners).My problem is that my partner is loving and attentive apart from the above which makes me feel guilty about wanting to end it. Then I started questioning myself and wondering if I should just shut up and be grateful. I think my partner knows how I feel as he keeps pestering me to book holidays and he keeps buying tickets to gigs for later in the year etc. I think this is a ploy to make me stay as he knows if there are things booked for us as a ‘family’ then I won’t cancel the plans.Recently I got so fed up I started looking on dating sites - I just felt trapped and wanted an escape! This just made me feel worse however because all I found was creeps and people who just want a casual relationship. Needless to say I stopped looking.I have tried to look at it from my partners POV and I think he sees me as a last resort in life. I don’t think he intends to ever be with any body else and i’m just the easy option - he can claim to be single whilst in reality having a partner to come home to and keep the bed warm etc it’s just not enough and i’ve given up trying to tell himthat.I honestly feel that something has to give soon or i’m going to lose my mind all together. Can somebody please offer an escape route from this mess without packing a bag and taking my child and running for the hills??
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (10 June 2019):
 How can you LEAVE without leaving?
What example do you set for you kid by staying in a relationship that isn't fulfilling, where you take advantage of him and he of you.
You KNOW what to do. YOU CHOOSE to stay. So all this looking at dating sites because you are unhappy is bullshit.
If you want MORE for yourself AND your child, you get your ducks in a row and you LEAVE. You CUT all contact with him so you don't feel tempted to take him back.
Shit or get off the pot. Whining about him not treating you like you FEEL you should be treated, yet staying - it's as much YOUR "fault" as his.
He should NEVER have proposed. He should have let you go. BUT you shouldn't have taken him back because he produced a ring. A RING on your finder doesn't SOLVE the issue that YOU want more than he is WILLING to give.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2019): I think you have addicted yourself to unhapiness and you will need therapy to change that.
Part of you believes the dream of the white wedding and happily ever after!
Another part of you realises that a wedding wont change everything and an introduction to his hostile relatives may actually be worse for you in the long run.
If only you could settle for happiness.
But life is not that simple so see the doctor for antideppressants and get some counselling so that you can understand exactly why you feel you need to run away.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (10 June 2019):
 “They know I exist but they don’t like me so he denies we are an item.” You should have left after a year of that. Why on earth have you wasted 8 years of your life on this man?
The only escape route IS to pack your bag and take your child. That’s what happens when you break up. You’ve done it before, you can do it again; you just need to block him on everything and not take him back. If you live with him, take the time you have to find somewhere else to live. Do NOT book anything else with him and if he books it on his own, that’s his own fault.
Time to woman up and show your child how to take care of yourself. You can do this, OP. You just need to accept that the situation won’t change and push yourself to change it by leaving permanently.
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