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male
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anonymous
writes: Hi.I'm a gay male in a long term relatonship of 3 years. We recently invited my partners work collegues over to our house for a house warming party.My partner has always been very open about who he works with and I 'knew of' everybody there, even if I had not met them before.However, I overheard a conversation between my partner and one of his friends and they were talking about a gay work collegue, whom my partner had never spoken of. The friend was talking of how the gay co-worker was going to take her out on the town to cheer her up a bit as they are both single.My partner then told her of how he talked to this gay guy the other day about how he desperately wanted to be in a relationship like ours and that he really wanted someone like my partner to care for him.I know I sound paranoid and I hate that but I know what my partner is like - he always wants to save people (emotionally). I feel he must be quite close with this guy for them to talk about this kind of thing and I'm not at all bothered about this - we both have every right to have friendships, no matter what sexuality.It's the fact that he has concealed that this guy exists from me that has me worried. I did ask him about the guy and he said he hadn't ever really spoken to him until recently but i now know the guy has worked there for 18 months and the place the work in is very very small, so this seems impossible.Please advise me, I need impartial advice. Even if it's to tell me I'm being stupid...I'd appreciate any comments.Thanks in advanceAnon - Merseyside
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2006): Hi,Thanks for your replies to my question. UPDATE: He has been acting quite cold with me recently and when his family came to visit last weekend he was very disrepectful towards me. Making fun of me, critisising me and being sullen with me when he wasn't doing this with his mum or brother.I talked to his mum about it and she too was upset about the way he treated me and said that he had been the same way with her too, in recent weeks.I don't know what is wrong with him? I love him to bits but this is erroding away at my feeling for him. He's never been a talker and he had a bad upbringing (due to his dad) but I'm gonna have to try to talk this out with him and see if there is anything is wrong, either elswhere or with our relationship.Thanks again for you kind adviceAnon - Merseyside
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2006): Consider this: If your partner knows you very well at all, he may have worried about this exact scenario coming up the moment he told you there was a single guy at his place of work who was actively seeking a relationship like yours. Most likely he knew about this, but decided to spare you the grief of disclosing a benign but worrisome detail. It's not ideal, but may have been done with the best intentions.
If your relationship with your current partner is going strong, don't worry about this.
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A
female
reader, mommyofthree +, writes (8 February 2006):
 I do think it is a little odd that you "know of" everyone except this guy, it seems that he would have told you of him, as he has done with everyone else, especially since he has been there 18 mos. I wouldn't go as far as to say this is something to make a huge deal of, but I would say that you should keep an eye on it and pay attention to your partners habits, if you do notice a sudden change in his routines then I would worry. Good luck.
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