A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for six months and we really like each other. There's only one problem. He keeps bringing up his ex. They were together for 8 months and he still has pictures of her on his phone and computer and talk on Facebook. Worse still, when he found out from a mutual friend that his ex had a new boyfriend, I found him in his room crying his eyes out. He tried to hide the fact that he was upset from me but he was totally distressed. It was so visible. Ever since finding out, hes seemed really depressed. He says he's fine and promises that he cares about me, but I know he still loves her. The problem is that I am in love with him and he does still care a lot about me. We've become best friends as well as lovers and I don't want to lose what we have what do I do?
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (19 May 2010):
 Be there for him and have more patience, compassion's and understandings. You do not need to offer him any solutions but just lend him your ears.
Grieving is a process of healing and it is only a matter of time he will be fine again. Time is a great healer.
Maybe, you could involve him in some daily activities and take his mind of his ex.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (19 May 2010):
 Well, there is hope that since he was only with her for 8 months and cared for her this much, he will care for you just as much in about two more months.
I suggest you get down and serious with him. Ask him whats up with his crying over the ex. Does he want to be with you? Then don't accept this and get the ex out of the picture, litterally speaking. A healthy friendship with an ex is acceptable, this is however NOT acceptable. If he still has these feelings for her, he needs to cut the contact with her.
To raise your hopes, I used a good while getting over an ex once and was even dating a new guy before I got over my first. I told the new guy about the ex and how I was still working on getting over him, and on occasions I also cried to myself when thinking back (my ex was an ass that hurt me deeply). I, however, still loved my new guy tons and was not at all considering going back.
You guy is basically not over his ex yet. But that doesn't always mean he still wants to get back with her. Talk to him and figure out if he is determined to be with you, or if you are just his rebound, before you take this relationship to the next level. If he says he wants you then he should do the actions to show his determination: stop the facebook contact with this ex.
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