A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hey there, i know you probably read these questins all the time but here we go. im 17 and my boyfriend of 21 have been together for a year, and recently i have become very insecure in my relationship. every day i dont think i am good enough or pretty enough for him. he is an extremly good looking guy who all girls like and tyr it on with him. but somehow i am managing to cope with this, what i am becoming to unable to cope with is his OBSESSION with porn. again you have probably heard this before, but he genuinly watches at least 2 hours a day of it, he just sits in his room at his house and watches it for hours EVERY SINGLE DAY without fail. we see each other probably 4 times a week, and we have sex every time witout fail, and it is always amaaazing becuase there are no boundaries, but even when we are having sex you can see that he just copies moves from porn and says what they say, profanity, it isnt romantic! every time a pretty woman comes on tv too he points it out, and says they are "fit" or a "milf" its extremly uncomfertable,. i would say something but too be fair i say when a guy is good looking but i dont say what i would do to him! its making the insecurities become deeper. porn every day? he copies there moves? its unbearable im not gorgeous pornstar, but that is what he wants, but cuz he cant have it he settles for second best aka me.thanks for any help!
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male
reader, Odds  +, writes (5 July 2010):
 Two hours a day at 21 is... well, a bit much. Where does he find all that time? Does he have classes, a job, or friends?
As for acting it out on you, to a certain extent, it's healthy and fun. This sounds like it's beyond that point. Ask for a night where it can be about you, where he does what you want, and intstruct him to be more loving and gentle, more natural.
The problem is, while his expectations in terms of your appearance don't seem to have been affected by the porn starlets, his ability to judge what you like has been affected. If you're not moaning and yelling and screaming "FUCK ME BABY" like they are, he probably assumes he needs to act even more like the porn star guys.
Talk to him about it, and ask him to cut back to, say, 30 min a day, or an hour every other day (even that's a bit much). If he cares, he'll try to get over it. If not, find a new guy.
A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (5 July 2010):
 When porn interferes with your sex life, then it is without a doubt a problem. 2 hours every single day seems excessive. I promise you, you're not second best. He's not settling for you. You definitely need to find some way to talk about this with him. He's making sex unpleasant, and ruining your self-esteem. This shouldn't be happening. Even if it's really uncomfortable and awkward and he acts "strange" you must find some way to bring it up.
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A
female
reader, trueyounglove  +, writes (5 July 2010):
heya, hope i can help even if i'm only 16. well with watching porn it's a real problem because from reading your post it looks like he has an addiction. why don't you talk to him about it and maybe make a compromise that he only watches half an hour everyday and maybe someday get him to not watch it at all. i think talking is the best way of doing it. don't ever think you're not good enough, because those objects in porn can't be compared with a normal woman that can feel love and have sex without making herslef a whore.Hope i could help.Oxana x
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (5 July 2010):
 For the record, some might think Im using the word addiction very loosely here, but when I judge someone to be addicted is when they can not go for a certain period of time without said thing. This man watches every day. For 2 hours. That is above what I deem normal and healthy. Also you know it is not good for you when the particular behaviour impacts people around you, pushes them away etc. Compare it to what happens to someone in a relationship with a gaming addicted person. The addiction takes over the relationship, and also the person.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (5 July 2010):
First off I never understood why people think porn stars are pretty. I don't think they are.
Second, your guy is addicted. And no matter what addiction you have it will always have an impact on the relationship, and always for the worse. Porn in itself, in my opinion, is an ok thing to do to get the mood going when you are flying solo. However, every day.. 2 hours.. that is overdoing it. His ex drive is NOT that high, and if it is he needs help for being over active. His penis is going to hurt if he keeps this up. However.. try to focus less on the porn itself and more on the addiction.
His addiction is affecting the relationship. Like any addiction does. Make him aware of this. First step is to talk about it. Next step is to cooperate and try and bring down the amount of time spent doing the addictive actions (in his case watching porn).
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