A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I dont know whether to let my boyfriend go who constantly lets me down, does things behind my back which he knows i wouldn't be happy with (eg texting other girl - he cheated on me in past), im not his best friend. He has hurt me so many times and does it again and again by not listening to advice, how i want him to treat me etc. I thought hed learn from mistakes. I tell him to pick me up once in the week cos i always go to his but he ignores it - i dont feel wanted/special and prob now insecure. Now my parents dont want to see me hurt anymore as he has been given so many chances. So they've said if i go back to him i'm on my own - don't know what they mean but i dont want to be with someone they wont accept. Dont know what to do??? I dont want to be with anyone else - i just want him to treat me right.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2007): You can't just have the parts of him that you like better. If you're with him then you have to deal with ALL of him, good and bad. (Hey, if people could pick and choose what they liked about their partners then we would rarely ever have breakups in this world.)
So far you would rather continue this than move on. That's your choice and that's fine.
But don't kid yourself that this guy is gonna change for you. Not ever. Even if he MIGHT possibly be different for someone else in the future, he won't ever be differnt to you because you've shown him that you are willing to tolerate it from him already.
You know what he is and what he is not. Either accept it (and accept that it is YOUR choice to continue to be with him, and that YOU are choosing to allow yourself to get hurt by him again and again), or else leave him.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2007): Hi there. I've gone through the same thing and I'm sorry you now are going through it too. Have you tried just talking to him? Just sitting him down mano to mano, with no distractions and tell him he's hurting you? Try talking to him, telling him what he's doing and when he does it and what he can do to not hurt you, but be calm. If you start blasting him, he'll tune out what you're saying. Sometimes, guys just don't get it unless you spell it out for them. Not sure how receptive to this your man would be, but you could try couples therapy and just talking it out with an unbiased person might help. If you've tried all that and feel like you're at a dead end, move on girl! No one deserves to be treated that way on a regular basis, especially by the one they love. You should feel loved and special, not ignored and worthless. That's the stuff emotionally abusive relationships are made of and they aren't good. There are men out there that can be caring and considerate and strong at the same time. Pick yourself up and go find one!As for your parents, ignore them. Its your life, your relationship. I don't know what financial arrangements you have, but its your decision who you consort with and not theirs. At the end of the day, you have to live with the decisions you've made. Make the ones that are right for you.I hope I've helped you some and best wishes to you!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2007): Let him go no doubt hes cheatin on you
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