A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I entered a relationship with a married man. A year later he's in the midst of divorce proceedings and we plan to live together as soon as it's final. Putting aside the moral aspect I'm having issues with trust. A lot won't be surprised by this but i am having more problems accepting he's with me as the divorce nears. I constantly question him and ask if he still loves her. Whenever she's nice I question if he will cancel the divorce. Time and time again he has demonstrated that he's picked me but his hesitation on pushing the divorce forward faster makes me nervous. I think my insecurity is pushing him away. I'm wanting advice on how to deal with thoughts he will cheat on me as well. He made a mistake once. Why am I continuing to punish him for cheating when he hasn't cheated on me?
View related questions:
cheated on me, divorce, married man Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2010): Because, he's a cheater, and you know it.
"I'm having issues with trust."
And, more devastatingly, you helped him do it and know what you did to the other woman. So, assume she didn't cheat for an instance...that means she's "better than you" in some peoples eyes.
So, if he would cheat on a woman who didn't cheat...why wouldn't he cheat on you?
By the way, you have a 1 in 100 chance of being together long term. That's the statistic after marriage and time.
It's a hard row to hoe, but you really need to think before you marry this guy. Quite frankly, I'd recommend breaking it off and going on to get your head on straight and then find a new relationship and start over. That way your chances are much better for a long and happy life.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2010): You're having doubts because you know this man is a cheat, he cheated on his WIFE who he made vows to. If you're already worrying whether you can trust him then it's not a good sign is it?. Maybe you should think about dating someone single. If he'll cheat with you he'll cheat on you.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2010): You're nervous about him cheating because you know he's capable of it. If you truly trust him, then you shouldn't worry about it. But he's already given you a reason to not trust him, even if it wasn't YOU he was cheating ON, but WITH.
Divorces are sometimes long, drawn-out processes. It can only go so fast because more than just he and his soon-to-be-ex-wife are involved. There are lawyers and judges, etc. involved, too, and specific procedures have to be followed. Don't stress because the divorce isn't final in two minutes.
As for dealing with your own insecurities, you definitely need to do that. Your insecurities most certainly will push him away. You can deal with it via self-help (writing about it to rationalize and heal, reading books, investing in yourself to be more confident) or via counseling, if that is financially feasible for you.
Best of luck in this sticky situation!
...............................
|
