A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have trust issues with my husband, we've been together since 2003. Since we've been together i know his cheated on me at least once maybe twice. Also about a year ago i found out that he'd been going online and paying to chat to women while they masterbated on web cams and such like. I managed to hack into his account and found the emails he'd been sending the women on there. He said how beautiful they were and how he'd love to 'do things to them' and how he loved and missed them when he couldn't go online. normally because i was there. This knocked my confidence alot and I was devestated. He's always told me how he loves my body and that i'm beautiful but all the women he had as favorites were completely the opposite to me. I've tried to forget about it but it plays on my mind all the time and I feel i cant go forward because I really don't trust him. I dont know how to forget what he's done even though its been over a year, it still hurts everyday. How can I trust him ever again?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2008): Your husband could very well be nurturing a sexual addiction. I know it's hard to wrap your head around, but it has absolutely nothing to do with you. This is a problem that seems to be ever growing since the advent of the internet has made this smorgasbourd of women so easy to access. Sexual addiction is not much different than any other addiction, most people can look at porn and not have a problem with putting it down, but for a few individuals it is highly addictive and they don't realize they have a problem until they are in over their heads and doing things that are contradictory to who they see themselves as being. Sexual addiction is not about sex, it is about self-medicating with the rush of hormones people get from seeing things and doing things taboo, new, dangerous, illicit..etcYou can find a lot of resources and helpful women at npsupport.net There are men that post there as well that are in various stages of recovery, you can learn a lot from reading their posts. It is especially helpful to read their posts in regards to how much they love their wives and how conflicted they are with their actions.Best of luck to you, for your sake I hope your husband isn't addicted, but if he is, the more you learn, the better you will feel about yourself.
A
male
reader, Veteran +, writes (21 July 2008):
I do not doubt that thinks you are beautiful and loves your body and he is probably attracted to the other girls because they ARE different to you but that in itself is not a reason to cheat on you. theres no harm in looking and or thinking about other women (lots of couples imagine having sex with other men/women in their fantasies (i do)) but if he is watching other women masturbate and probably doing it himself and also having affairs then he will find it very difficult to stop.
You haven't said wheteher or not you have spoken to him about this? Communication is the key to all relationships and the longer you refrain from any discussion with him over this issue, the more it will fester in your mind and the worse the outcome will be. Talk to him NOW!
Please do not put yourself down over this, it's not you that has been unfaithful.
Take care
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A
female
reader, JennyMack  +, writes (21 July 2008):
 It is not about your husband's feelings for you. It sounds like your husband is seeking a rush with porn and risky online flirtations. "If he loved me he would stop" probably doesn't apply here. It migh be good to read as much as you can on sex addiction,and confront him with your feelings. He or both of you may benefit from counseling.
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