A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my husband now for 13 years we have 3 children and another one on the way. We got married in August and i have just recntly found out that he has been having an affair with somone who he met on his stag night, now she is saying that she is pregnant with his child. I just dont know what to do, he tells me it was a mistake and that he loves me. He couldnt be sorry enough but i just need some advice on what to do, its torn me apart and i just dont know what to do for the best.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2007): My parents came through something similar to this, my father repeatedly cheated on my mum throughout their marriage, i can remember as a small child watching my mum cry all the time, my dad would leave for a few months and then return. This went on for years and finally the inevitable happened my mum and his bit on the side ended up pregnant at the same time. My mum lost the baby due to the stress when she found out about the other woman, she went on to have the baby.My dad came back after a few years and we all thought here we go again but it was different this time. my dad grew up and finally after destroying not only my mums self esteem but his daughters too he decided that mum was the one and hes never cheated since, that was ten years ago.Thing is hunni, watching what my dad did to my mum destroyed me and i swore i'd never cheat because i saw what it did to my family. I didnt cheat but my partner did repeatedly like my dad and just like my mum i kept taking him back until i was so low i knew i couldnt end up like my mum. It doesnt just affect you, your kids see all this and you and them deserve so much better. Im on my own with 3 children now and to be honest im glad i dont have that sickly feeling in my tummy no more when my ex used to walk out the door, not knowing what he'd be up to.Good luck, think long and hard, trust your gut feeling not your heart xxx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2007): Hi Hunny,
Im sorry to here your sad news you must be heartbroken.
I can only say that after I found out that my 3rd husband cheated on me the night before our wedding and during the whole yr we were together that can you honestly live like this and ever trust him again.
My husband sent me some credit one monday morning after spending our anniversary in bed not speaking because I think he felt so bad, But I knew I didnt want to go through crap again so I simply text him and said your bags are outside. He didnt want this to happen but I didnt want him sleeping around either so it goes both ways.
We didnt have children together but I have three from my previous marriages and it doesnt only affect you it affects them as well as mummy is upset. You may be able to work this out if he will go to counselling with you, Can you live with the fact that someone else is carrying his baby and the mistake bit always gets to me as it didnt slip in by mistake love.
You have to sit down and really think and talk with him as being this happened on his stag night and continued to happen after the marriage I would want to no why he was thinking of this before during and after the wedding. But it is your choice in the end hunny and you have children together so its hard very hard for you, There is so much for you to think about with his resposibility to his now unborn child if you need to talk more you can message me love I hope this has helped a little sorry for your pain take care with love MANDY xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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A
female
reader, Gemini1506 +, writes (26 October 2007):
you dont live in south london by any chance, please private message me to confirm
and do you have a sister named mavis, because you sound like my auntie
sorry if this is untrue, just sounds all to familiar
x
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A
male
reader, Richard_EMids +, writes (26 October 2007):
 Sorry to hear this - you must be devastated. Well first you've got to ask yourself whether you can live with this, live with him, if he is saying sorry/bigmistake/neveragain. If you can and you believe him then - it will be hard, but some couples do get over it. However, for some people betrayal is something they cannot recover from, and I think you would be feeling especially hurt since it happened so close to your special day. And then there is the child his girlfriend his carrying? He will have financial reponsibilities for the baby - and is likely to remain in touch with her - as the father, and visit her/his child.
So you have a lot to consider. Don't rush - this is your choice. No one can blame you - he has done the damage - only you can decide if it is damaged beyond repair. Good luck and take care. You might find it helpful to post again as you work through this problem.
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