A
female
age
41-50,
*ubaab
writes:please help me . we are going to divorce. i met my husbad 2 years ago.i am in usa 3 years ago my husband is here almost 12 years.we are from middle east.first time when we met his parents was living with him . he told me afther our engagement his parents will go to his country.he has 3 brother and 2 sister they will take care of his parents.afther our engagement his parents was not ready to go back their country. i could not live with them because they were very religious.i am also relagious but they were extremlly religious. they are like my parents i respect them but they had problems with my every thing.my parents never had problem with their life style. but his parents had problems with my every thing.finally after one year they went to their country.we got married. i moved with him.when we met first time with out thinking about job market he promised me he will move to my state because my parents are old and i dont have brother and sister to take care of them.after marriage he tried to find job but he could not. so i move with him. i left my school , job even old parents.i wanted to make my and his life.we was happy in our life.his nature was angry but i wanted to change him since i loved him so much.i take care of him like baby.unfortunatlly i came to know that he is not successful person.he did nothing for him self in his all life.he is 40 years old.he is here in USA almost 12 years.most of people from our countries very successful when they live in USA for long time.he dont have any house . he dont have very good job.he could get his degree just in one year if he paid attention to his life . his life would be much better if he got his degree. he had not time for degree.i tried to know what he did with all his money because in 12 years he worked hard.he always he had two jobs.so one day he told me he bought three houses around $350000for his brothers sisters and parents in his country .he send them money every month. even till now . his family have very good life finicially but he is still paying his brother fee around$2000 every month. i felt bad for him he was working two jobs. i told him i am ready to work to support you untill you can can get your degree.he was agreed for that thing. his parents left only 3 months ago suddenlly i came to know they are coming back.they want to be here because they want to get their citizen ship so in this way their other children can come USA easlly.now i dont know what i have to do. he told me i have to go back to my parents home.all time he thinks how to make his brother and sisters life successful. i did not care for his age or finicial situation. i married him. he is 10 years older then me. if i tell him that you have to pay attention to your life then he dislikes me.he wants we forget our lifes and struggle to make his family life successful.he got huge loans from banks for his family . unfortunatly , his family never care for him. every week he call them.they never call him. they never thought about his life.in 12 years they never told him that we are finincialy strong now just pay attention to your life or complete your studies.they never care for his life.he never honest about money with me.he dont like if i want to know how much he has.i did my best.i care for him as a good wife. i think he dont love me .his family is selfish .now they have to know he is married but still they want more and more.i can understand like other parents his family helped him little bit when he was in college in his country but it dose not means he gave them all his life.almost 20 years he is supporting them.why his family is selfish and mean?now his parents will be here in one month after that his brother and sister will be here between one year. then he will never care for me.then he have to struggle to make their lifes in USA.they are not here he dont care for me how about future.when ever we argued about his family he told me get out from his home.what kind of person he is ? i think he care for his selfish family but not care for my love.i think i am just wasting my time with him.i dont want to leave him please help me how he can take seriouse our lifes. how he can accepet that wife has also important role in life. please help me.thanks for your time and thanks for all replies.
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (10 May 2010):
 What he does to his family is his business. I don't think you can change that. I don't think he wants to divorce you yet unless he signed a prenup with you he has one more person to support. I encourage you to move to your parent's place and learn how to be self-sufficient. Focus your energies into finding a job and working hard. Getting married is not a guarantee that you would be treated like how a wife should be treated. When you go back to your parents you will get your attention and will be pampered by your family members. Your husband may miss you and realize how important you are in his life. Divorce can be a good thing. Think about it, do you really want to be partially responsible for paying his debt? What has he done to make you want to help him? I understand he has no choice but to live in a rut in order to make money and support his family. But if he can't try to be intimate with you even on the weekends he's not doing enough to keep you.
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