A
female
age
36-40,
*coop
writes:me and my bf have been dating on and off for 3 yrs now, and im 20 and he is 30. he is recently divorced with a 7 yr old daughter.these past yrs have been the best and worst of my life. he never buys me anything or take upon the men duties such as keep up the matience on my car.we have been living together for 2 years now, and i feel like he is past due. he bought her a car when they were dating and basically pampered her, and i feel like he just throws me to the curb.he says he loves me deeply and i believe he does but i dont think he can change. he actually admitted that he hasnt been the best boyfriend the the fullest because of how she did him, but i dont think its fair for me to feel neglected these past 2 yrs because of his past relationship.i want to leave him, but i really love him.but i want to be happy, and i know he wont change...he wont stop smoking weed, i guess you cant teach old dogs new tricks.i feel that he's lived his life with her and im just someone to pick up the peices and hes just settling with me instead of still making me happy, like taking me out to do new things.before we moved him he promised all the things he would do, and since we've been together ive got shit!what am i to do!
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2009): He smokes weed, he has emotional baggage about hsi past relationship, you feel like he's just 'settling' for you. Goodness, girl--you are just coming into your 20's and you are already experiencing so much unhappiness! Listen this guy isn't the one..even if you want to believe otherwise. And when you are this miserable and then state you are in love with this fellow...I have to ask "do you, without a doubt, even know what the truest love is..what is there about this man that you love?" I am baffled--you don't even 'justify' in your posting "why" you love this man. Absolutely nothing commendable is uttered about him. Isn't that a red flag...right there? Do you love him or...do you just love having him hang around...someone to look after you?
Give this man his walking papers. Then get out there in life, travel, live on your own, date a few people, have a good social network of friends, but most importantly...go have FUN! Learn more about yourself, where 'you' want to go, learn about life and just do some growing up. Learn to be able to support yourself, live alone before you ever commit yourself to someone else. It's then that you will never just be with someone because you are desperate to take just someone, who is ill suited for you like this current bf is. Staying with him will only bring you ultimate frustrations, challenges and the loneliness, you are now feeling. You both are not compatible at this time of your life.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2009): I have to agree with all of fellow aunts here. you deserve better than this! i just (last night) got out of a similar situation. only found out that mine not only still loved the ex but was still sleeping with her too! you have to be careful and protect yourself! I have learned to listen to my womans intuition and if yours is going off then i would say get out before you invest anymore into this guy. good luck to you.
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A
female
reader, lgonzal2 +, writes (27 March 2009):
 You are twenty you should be having fun instead of being miserable with some loser. Your happiness must come first. Start flirting with other guys and dump him. And if he really cares then he will try hard to get you back. You can find better there are so many guys out there. Do not sell your self short to make him happy.
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A
female
reader, vinnysma +, writes (27 March 2009):
WOW sorry get out while you can free I seriously had the almost exact to the age child everything now i have a two year old at 24 with a 34 year old i left him to late i got pregnant after we broke up and so we got back together it was pure hell I loved him but I was mistaken I also know ne telling you this wont change how you feel but I been there done that chances are he will always be this way and things dont change as far as how he treats you believe me i wish they did, Dont waste your life wanting to be wanted find someone that treats you like you want to be, for real its even harder when you become bitter because you yourself made the decision to give it your all, I didnt realise till i had my child that I deserved better and I didnt want my life to be like that forever babys dont change things either nothing will.
my advice tell him exactly how you feel and what you want if it doesn't get better or he blows your feelings off, loose him communication, trust, and respect make a relationship love. sounds to me like he doesnt respect you or he just thinks you dont know what you want and as far as now you let him treat you this way because you deal with it, dont.
good luck to you I hope he really does love you and wants to make it work, but make sure he does not just say it, anyone can say they love you. It takes much more to prove it, and show it in everything he does, fights happen but it sounds to me you just want it to work so bad, it takes two really it does no excuse there are many fish in the sea, and older men are not all they are cracked up to be, find a young one you can train, seriously, I know older men are secure and father like manly etc. but I think you understand what i am sayin
Good Luck Dear.
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A
female
reader, jessica04 +, writes (27 March 2009):
 It's understandable that he would do things differently the second time around if he got burned so badly the first time.
He needs to learn to trust, and if after several years he still hasn't accepted your loyalty and faithfulness to him, then it might be time to move on, because you are right, he won't change unless he really wants to.
You deserve someone who wants to make you happy. You are still young and vibrant and have a long life ahead of you. don't waste it on some doper who won't clean up his act for you.
If you want to give couples counseling a try, then suggest it to him and see if he is up for it. But people cannot be forced to change.
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