A
female
age
36-40,
*rcook
writes:Me and my boyfriend have started having sex. He will not come. we have had sex like 10 times but he will not come. I can feel his penis pumping, i have tried oral sex. He says it feels good, but he just want come. We had sex for 2 hours last night -nothing-...My self asteem is starting to lower...Help?
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male
reader, Yos  +, writes (28 April 2009):
 It's him not you. And I'm sure he's struggling with it too. It's actually the second most common sexual function problem with men after premature ejaculation.
Here is a good article about it:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/relationships/sex_and_sexual_health/probs_difficultyejaculating.shtml
A
male
reader, Pythagorean_Variable +, writes (28 April 2009):
I have this problem repeatedly and I agree with irish49, it can be any number of factors, but from I can see he does seem to enjoy it with you, remember, climaxing isn't exactly the best part of the experience, its the in between stuff that really counts, so even if he can't cum, due to pressure or anything else, you should be filled to the brim with self esteem as he is obviously very pleased with you
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2009): Goodness, why is your self-esteem at an all-time low here? I can only imagine how frustrating it is for him, as well. Poor guy! Listen if he's having sex with you for 2 hours, it's plain to see he gets sexually aroused and does really desire you! So think about this rationally and realize, none of this is anyone's fault. This is simply the way it is in many relationships and you aren't alone. But stop allowing this to take YOU down! Sheesh, girl. Take the pressure off of you and off of him and work at this together, in a calm, mature way.
A man is really 'pressured' to perform. He has to get an erection to do so and if that ain't working, there will be no sex, right. He doesn't have erection problems does he? So think about this...there are a lot of reasons why a fellow cannot ejaculate. It could be he may really deeply cares for you and is feeling pressured to perform well, so tension and stress can cause it. It could be he's scared to get you pregnant, it could be he could be on medications, that you don't know about. You need to talk to him openly and honestly and find out what is going on in his head. But don't have all these huge expectations, because I'd say he's trying his best, at present.
So try to slow this all down a notch...try just getting him to totally relax, be himself. Don't even discuss the fact that he can't orgasm...don't put that expectation on him and for goodness sakes do not ask him "is it me??" That is such a turn off to guys! Just calm down, the both of you and just relish the moments of being close. Try just some light, fun sexual playfulness, where it doesn't matter if either of you orgasm. Just bond, touch, caress and let him naturally move into being relaxed and just enjoying you..no pressures.
The key is taking all the huge pressures off of him. If he can get hard and be aroused we know you do that for him. girl. So you need to understand that clearly. Just have fun, enjoy the pleasurable moments of connecting emotionally and for goodness sakes, stop thinking it's you.
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