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female
,
anonymous
writes: I've been dating this guy on and off for nearly four years. We don't see each other regularly because we live in two different cities. We try to hook up at least twice a month, we have an awesome attraction towards each other and I believe that I'm in love with him. Before we get together he's full on with text messages and cell phone calls. But as soon as we've made love, he seems to retreat into his shell. He doesn't text or call me and it upsets me. I have challenged him about this and he says ' I don't have to constantly text or call you do I? ' I told him that I just felt a little low after we make love and that he isn't full on(commitment) until the next time.When he wants to be with me he's constantly texting, phoning and driving me mad. He just replied he knew how I felt, he wasn't going anywhere and not to worry. Am I going mad? He's told me he loves me am I behaving like someone who's insecure?
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2006): His keeping you at a distance like this may be a result of, well, the distance between you. Maybe he tries to turn off the connection rather than leave it on and suffer. If you get to see each other twice a month, you must be somewhat close together. Have you considered both moving to someplace halfway between where the both of you now live? Some couples are able to make that work by both putting up with a little commute. You're not necessarily being insecure, but you do seem to be mired in a pretty shitty situation which puts a strain on things. If you've been seeing each other over the course of 4 years now (no matter how irregularly) maybe you could be so bold as to suggest this.
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