A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear agony aunts, help me! I'll try to keep it short:Me and the ex-boyfriend are in our early 20s. College students.Up until yesterday my life was completely normal. I didn't suspect anything was out of the ordinary.I went to my boyfriend's house and had lunch with him and his parents (he still lives with them). We've been doing this for months and it's nice. Smiles, small talk, the usual.Later, after his parents went out for a walk, he sits down in the couch with me and says: "I think I might be in love with another person. Let's break up."I asked him how long he'd been feeling like that. He said that around 2 weeks, for a fleeting moment, he felt attracted to someone else. And then he started to think about how he would like to be single.This broke me. Not just for the usual "break up" pain, but the total unexpectedness of it. We had a great relationship... excellent communication, excellent chemistry, we fit well with the families...I always tried to be an understanding girlfriend. I never pushed him into anything. I gave him freedom to go out with friends, never demanding explanations, letting him do what he wants.I'm not proud to admit it, but I put my pride aside and asked him: "Can't we just take a break? Won't you give me a second chance?" and he said no.He says he still loves me and that he isn't even sure if he actually likes that other person, he hasn't really considered it. But apparently he's in love with BEING SINGLE.I love him so much. He is such a great guy (despite this awful stunt he's pulled). He's really one in a million. I don't want to give him up, I want him back!I don't care how long it takes. I'll give him all the room/time he needs. But how can I get him back? :(
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2011): Hi, I'm the one who asked the question!
I forgot to mention a vital detail: we were in a serious relationship for 3 YEARS.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (22 May 2011):
 I think you need to accept this. It's no good holding on to someone who just wants to break free.
Give him some years off. He broke up for a good enough reason, he's looking for something else than you. To you he was perfect, but to him you're not what he's looking for. Or at least what he thinks he's looking for. Let him go to figure that one out on his own.
What you should do now I not talk to him again for at least a few months. Just... try to move on. Get out, and try to have fun! I know it is hard, but you don't know what you've lost 'til it's gone. Perhaps then your ex will want you back once he sees you are moving on (this does happen a lot! It's for the wrong reasons, but still), but perhaps by that time you don't want him back.
Relationships that are on and off do not work out. If he broke up with you now, and you got back together, it wouldn't work out. So: let him go. Sucks for him since you're a great girlfriend, and he'll probably regret his move. But who cares. You can find another guy!!!
Go do something fun now, plan a vacation, sign up for a cool new hobby, or just do a complete make-over with a new hairstyle and new make-up. Re-inventing yourself helps after a breakup! It makes you feel a lot better! Trust me, the only times I let myself buy designer shoes was after a break-up, what a great excuse to spoil yourself. I also took a vacation to Greece, and got a new hairstyle. The pain of the breakup is still there, but it helps tons to change yourself and bring something new and fresh into your life. Like a fresh start.
Stay strong, you will get through this. It will just take time.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2011): I understand your love to this guy,but apparently he doesn't love you as much as you love him,I just want to let you know that there is lot of men out there that will wish to be with you,
if he wants to be a single man let him be it,do not follow him or ask him back ,give your self some respect ,after he is done being single he might come and run after you ,and hopefully at that time your the one will dump him.
I hope that you can find the real love and some one that will show you the respect that you deserve.
you are still young ,enjoy every moment of your life and do not waist it running after somebody who doesn't deserve it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2011): It sucks and I feel for you. But at least he's man enough to end it rather than stringing you along and/or cheating.
I think you just need to take a step back and let him get on with things. Keep in contact with him to remind him of how great you are and what he's missing out on BUT and this is essential, give yourself a cut off point - if he hasn't changed his mind in 1 month (or whatever you think is the right time) then cut your losses and move on.
My husband and I broke up for a short period when we'd only been dating for a few months. It was horrible and broke my heart, like your boyfriend he just told me straight that he didn't think it would work out - at that time we were at very different stages in our lives he was working full time and ready to settle down and start a family, I was a full time student and only in his country for a year and then planned on continuing my travels. This all happened at the start of January that year. I told myself that if he hand't realised his mistake by valentines then that would be it and I would move on.... but I was willing to wait around for a few weeks to see if he'd change his mind.
True enough he did, he told me it took him a while to realise that even though he was ready to settle down and he was worried that we were at completely different stages in our lives, all of that didn't matter when he realised that there was only one person that he wanted to do all that with.
9 months later we were engaged
3 years later married
and now we're counting down to our first child :D
Just give him a little bit of time but don't hang your hopes on it. I thought for sure I'd lost my man and giving my self a definite cut off point gave me a chance to hope and grieve for the relationship but I knew I'd move on the day after valentines....
Best of luck
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