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female
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anonymous
writes: I've been in a relationship with a 36 year old Divorcee for almost a year. We both agreed to take things slowly from the beginning and that's definitely how it worked best for the first few months. He has 3 kids ages 8, 10 and 12 who I haven't met yet as we wanted to be sure we were not just a fling before we got the kids involved. About 3 months ago on a night out he asked if I was against meeting the kids as I hadn't mentioned it, I was just waiting for him to mention it and we agreed that it should happen, but since then, nothing has happened. I've mentioned it a couple of times and he just says we'll do it, but then nothing comes of it.Also, it's taken a lot for us to admit our love to each other and when we first did it was fantastic, we hit another level of closeness, but now he seems to blow hot and cold. When he's hot, he's very loving, kind and makes me feel wonderful, but then he'll go like 'one of the lads' for a couple of days and seem very distant and unaffectionate - this is starting to get to me.I'm not sure what I'm really asking, just after some guidance of what's going on and how best to move forward?
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male
reader, Dazzerg  +, writes (24 January 2006):
 Ok, he seems very reluctant for you to meet the kids which is understandable on the grounds it is a big thing. He is probably scared on various levels, that introducing the kids will complicate things between you two as it is an added pressure. If, for any reason, there is friction between you and the kids for example then he maybe scared of it causing friction between you and him and his kids.
I am wondering if there is a private/public split between when he is hot and when he is cold. If there is it maybe that, especially if he is around other lads when cold, he is trying to be what he imagines the socially correct male way, all macho and unfeeling but feels he can express himself fully in private. On the other hand it could be waryness. Having just taken the big step of admitting his feelings for you he maybde trying to recoil a little as a form of self-preservation hence the sometimes coldness.
Link these two things together and I beleive what we are left with is a hangover of his old caution. Hopefully with a little paitence and work this will fade and your relationship will get stronger and stronger.
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