A
female
age
30-35,
*rocnbaby
writes:So Im 17 years old. I met this guy. He's really sweet. Kinda seems like the player type though. So he tells me he has a gf. But she lives in l.a and I guess its not working out between them. So I kind of try to hold my distance until they're done. But he wants to keep talking to me because he really likes me. He took me to my prom and everything is just good. Then he tells me he has a baby with that girl and that's the only reason he's still with her because all they do is fight and they can't make it work. So im like freaked out. I mean I 17 and if I get with this guy just the thought of him having a kid is weird I don't know how to take it in. He visits the child every 2 weekends. I just don't know what to do because he tells me he he wants to be with me and that this weekend he's letting her know everything when he goes to see the baby. Im not soo freaked out about the gf soon to be ex but more about the baby. Im trying to think of how this could affect me and why I shouldn't get with him but I can't think of any reasons! Help =/ (btw its not like he's kept telling me im gonna break up with her and hasnt this is very recent.) Please help me!
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female
reader, natasia  +, writes (4 May 2009):
 ok - sorry - didn't realise - for some reason I thought he was older than you.
Well, if she doesn't want to be with him, and lives miles away, then what's the problem? Yes, he has a baby - but then so do loads of people after they've had a relationship with someone else. Babies are adorable. And they are a lot of work, but she is doing that, not him, so the main challenge about babies (all the getting up, etc.) isn't going to affect your life.
What is it about the baby that bothers you? That he has a child with someone else? Because you can't get around that one. I think you should be happy about the baby - presuming you like babies!
A
female
reader, jrocnbaby +, writes (4 May 2009):
jrocnbaby is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBtw the baby is 1 year old. And he's told me good stuff about his gf too. He's also 17. And he lives far from his gf and lives by where I live with his dad. He's forced to live over here by his parents. But I have thought about the baby but I know that even if I wasn't to stay with him he'd probably soon just find another girl because his gf doesn't really want to be with him anymore either. So they don't really wana be together anymore. But the baby thing freaks me out. She's over there and isn't the most faithful thing, & he's doing the same over here. The only thing that ties them is a baby. But nothing else. I know this from both of them.
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A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (4 May 2009):
ps
men who are trying to live a double-life always describe their relationship with the mother of their children as awful, and say they only fight all the time. They don't tell you about the loving tender moments with their baby and his/her mother - but I think over time it will make you jealous.
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A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (4 May 2009):
This is a complicated situation emotionally, and my feeling is that you will only be hurt in it, and also other people - the girlfriend, and the baby. I think you should also think of them. You can't be sure of what he is telling you - he is, I would say, almost 100% definitely telling you things in the way he wants to - not necessarily how they are. And this is a BABY - not an older kid - so very recently they have been through a pregnancy together and the birth of their child. Nobody knows yet how their relationship will work out, as they themselves are just learning how to be parents together.
It is a nightmare situation, and although he might want to cut and run with a 17 year old, it's not certain he'll be able to do that. If you really want to know the situation, you need to hear it from her!!
Obviously the baby is going to grow into a little child and a bigger child, etc etc. He is always going to have to put him/her first. I don't know what you're like, but you need to be kind and sensitive and resilient (not jealous) and big-hearted and understanding, and selfless. That's what is needed. Are you up to it?
Personally I don't think the baby's mother knows he's got someone else. I think it will be a horrible shock, if he actually does tell her - but he might just tell you he's told her, but not really do it, as he wouldn't want to trash the set-up with his baby.
You're right to be worried. You're very young, and this is an adult situation.
Personally if you were my daughter, I would say stay out of it. It is not just his life, it is two other people's lives as well - one person he probably still loves (mother of baby), and one he definitely adores (baby). And then there will be you.
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