A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Ok so Iam just so lost and confused I am in love with a man 10 yrs my senior. he has a very stessful job and refuses to talk to me about anything he refuses to go anywhere or do anything but sit in the house and play on his commputer. He knows that we need to deal with all the daily issues of life and a need to do things that are fun but all he does is says I am sorry I am such a dead head I am just getting old and nothing works any more just dont take it personally. Well I do take it very personaaly he was in two long term relationships prior to me and was never home party's dinner out all kinds of trips all the time. We have been togetther 2 years and he refuses to even go out to dinner with me and he gets very upset and jeaulos if I say I am going to go hang out with a girlfriend. To keep this from being 10 pages long just trust me ive tried everthing to get him to open up and get out nothing works he says he loves me more than he has ever loved anyone and he would die if I ever left him But he acts like he is embarrased to be seen in public with me. I ve been told I am very attactive and fun to be around so I dont understandhe finnally asked me to lunch the other day We went to the drive up window at Mcdonalds and ate in the car. he goes places with others but he finds reason for me not to go and if he cant come up with a good reason then he doesnt go either. Whats wrong with this picture? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (12 February 2009):
You went to a "professional" who said you should be glad he doesn't slap you?
A professional what?????
Any man who says that you should be GRATEFUL that you are not getting beaten up is either living in a very backward third world country or a complete psycho.
I'm sorry but you are not a second class citizen, you are not living in the 19th century. If you think this is all you deserve in life then you are a very sad individual.
Good Luck!! xx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you sooo much for your responses!!I had gone to a professioal and he (a man of course) Told me I should be greatful because he treats me better than any other man I ve ever had in my life and at least he has put a roof over my head and doesn't slap me around. I agree I am thankful, but I feel I just keep settling and accept not being treated the way I deserve because of very low self asteem and yes I am aware that he is making my self asteem issues worse. I just needed to be sure it wasn't just me feeling sorry for myself. Thank you again! I needed to hear that its not just me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDear xx Thank you! No I dont believe the age difference has anything to do with it either I believe he just uses this as an excsues for feeling inferior. I agree with the rest of what you had to say! this is exactly what I have been thinking to be the case. I just Feel that I am not good enough for him except to be his maid. His first wife was 3 yrs older and 2nd one was 2 yrs younger and he had them out showing them off all the time. he swears he is just getting old and is very tired and worried about memory loss issues he is having. (He is 58) Also he had brought up the idea of us being Married when we were first dating and said he couldnt wait for me to be his wife. then about a year and a half ago he said please dont take this personally but I cant marry you and wouldnt tell me his reason. He has refused to talk about it since. He is so sweet and caring when it his just him and I and I can get his attention but the rest of the time I feel as though I ve done some thing wrong to where he feels embarrased and ashamed of me and I have no idea as to what ive done to make him feel so differently. We had been distant friends for 10 years prior to dating and he is no where near being the man he was. what did I do to him ????? I Love him so much its killing me!
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2009): leave him.if you have already explained it to him like you have to us, then nothing more is to be said.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (11 February 2009):
You say that you 41 - 50, so I doubt it's that he doesn't want to be sneered at for having a girl on his arm who is too young. At your age, a 10 year gap is not that much any more. (That sounds nasty and I don't mean to say that you are old, just that I don't think the gap is a problem to being seen out in public.)
I am very shocked that you have put up with this for 2 whole years. I'd have been out of it after a couple of months. He seems to be a little posessive over you and wants to keep you locked up at home to himself.
McDonalds does NOT count as eating out. That's just laughable.
I really think that if you have tried everything and he's refusing to even take you on a date, then you have to play hard ball.
You can do this 2 ways.
1. The short sharp shock method. Tell him that you are sick of being a prisoner at home, that you feel like he is ashamed of you, that you deserve better. Pack a suitcase and then disappear for a few days. He SHOULD come chasing after you and realise that he's being an arse and needs to put in some effort if he wants you to stick around.
2. I know he gets jealous when you go out with a girlfriend but just let him know that you want more from life that to sit and watch him play on his computer. Ask him if he is going to take you out this weekend... AS SOON as he makes an excuse or says no then smile and say "ok sweetheart no problem, I just fancied a night out." Then pull out your phone and arrange a night out with someone else in front of him. Go out a LOT more and if he says anything then tell him that you always ask him to come out with you first but he says no, so you have no choice but to go out with other people.
If he says he's too old then say that if he's too old for you that there is no point him being with you.
He SAYS he loves you and all the right words but his actions speak very differently.
If nothing works though you may have to accept that he just wants a maid to be in his house with and to make him cups of tea. If you want more than that from life then get out there and take it.
Good Luck!! xx
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