A
female
age
51-59,
*ndigoBlues
writes:I have been seeing a man for two years. We recently broke up after he accused me of stealing money from him. Keep in mind I have handled thousands for him and this is over $100.00. He is an alcoholic and has become out of control. During the past 2 years he has been to rehab twice only to leave after detox. I have struggled to remain supportive but chose to walk away when told if I come clean about stealing he would get past this and if I continue to deny it we were over. I will not come clean about something I did not do, no matter what the consequences. I cannot seem to shake the attack on my character. How do I get past this ?
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female
reader, Midge  +, writes (20 October 2008):
 I agree with you. No matter what the consequences, you never admit to having done something if you havent done it. Nor should you have to.
You said it. He is an alcoholic. Having had a relationship with an alcoholic for 4 years in a previous relationship, I know from first hand experience that alcoholics are not trusting and will blame their partners for all their problems.
I was not only blamed for stealing money from my partner, but also for making him an alcoholic (not to mention he was an alcoholic when we first met. But I didnt know until I was head over heals in love with him....or so I thought!)
He has probably spent the money on alcohol to fuel his habit and blamed you, because he didnt remember actually spending the money.
You are so much better off without him! And you have to remember that! He may play heavily on your consience for a while, but sooner rather than later, you will come to know and understand that you leaving him was the best thing you could ever do.
When I left my ex after all the accusations, I felt like I had done him wrong by walking away and leaving him. I felt guilty for walking away! But one day it all fell into place and the penny dropped! Until he hits rock bottom, he will never come to terms with him illness, and at that point he will need a friend to assist him in getting help. I am not suggesting you go and help him because this could be months or years down the road, but know that what you are doing is the best thing you can do for him, and for you.
You are worth more than what you are being subjected to. Understand that! Even if he comes begging back to you, you need to stand your ground because if you did go back to him, the chances are, you will be dragged down with him, and you really dont need that!
Turn the page in your life, and move on. Be single for a bit till you can get over what you have been through. You know you didnt steal his money, so you can have a guilt free consience! You have nothing to be ashamed of, or regret having done. You can keep your head held high and all the attacks in the world mean nothing because you know that you have not done a damn thing wrong! Soon enough he will stop the attacks.
I was blamed for stealing, making him an alcoholic, cheating on Lord knows how many of his friends, crashing his car (which he crashed and walked to my house), burning all his clothes (when he actually sold them for alcohol money), breaking his arm (when he actually fell in one of his drunken sessions)....and the list goes on. Why would I want to stay in that situation? I look back now and see what I went through and think to myself.......You stupid bitch! What did you stay with him for? My answer.....I was being faithful! However, after I left him, he hit rock bottom about 3 months later. Now he has gotten himself together, has 3 kids, a family........but he needed that to sort himself out. We laugh about it today, but at the time, it was no laughing matter!
Good luck and let me know if you would like to talk further!
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