A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my bf for 6 months.He's a complicated creature, very sports orientated from a young age so his appearance has always been important to him so he regularly goes to the gym. He has also never been on holiday with anyone and cannot have people in his space.Our relationship was really intense from the start, our first date was 15 hours long and I met his friends after the 3rd.3 months into our relationship we went away together and only had 1 arguement, we were both amazed considering he'd been on a city break with an ex before and argued constantly. I had also started staying at his alot and things were going well, occasionaly misunderstanding but nothing major.2 months ago a flat mate moved in and since then we have been arguing pretty much everytime we see eachother, he asked for some more time apart so I went home 3 days a week which he was happy about. Things started to get better and we'd been arguing less.He doesn't particularly get on with his flatmate and moans to me about it, I feel partly responsible because I didn't want the original flatmate to move in which was a girl he used to sleep with casually, he was quite promiscious before we got together.So, things had been going well and we had our 6 month anniversary but that day we had a huge row, He is unhappy with his appearance because he uses me as an excuse not to go to the gym and although he never blames me and I've never stopped him going he makes me feel guilty for it. I shared my feelings with him and just asked him to think about what he says and how I perceive things. I get it's my own interprutation but I can't help it and was just asking for his help.It then turned into a full blown arguement and things from the past got dragged up. I hate confrontation so started to pack my things to leave, at which point he started to help me pack and even take things to my car! He took his house keys from me and basically said goodbye.I apologied straight away because I knew it wasn't what I wanted, I love him whole heartedly.Next day I called him and he said he couldn't give me what I want and there was someone out there who would be perfect for me, again I apologised and told him how much I love him.He's asked me for some space, initially 8-10 weeks but now we've agreed 3-4. It was only a couple of weeks ago he was telling me he couldn't imagine life without me and he's told me he still loves me.He's 26 and I'm 28, we also spoke about the future which I know freaked him out a bit as I honestly don't believe he had found anyone to share his future until now and he's scared. I spoke about the future because I needed to know we were going to the same place, no timelines just same final destination as I've know relationships to go on for years before having that conversation by which point it's too late to go back.I'm so scared I'm going to lose him as I'm tryng to give him space but I just want to talk to him and tell him I love him and miss him so much. I've now delted his numbers from my phones to stop myself calling....Have I ruined everything?
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male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (4 November 2009):
 Here is a little tip for the future when it comes to selecting a man.
The list of issues a man can has is NOT a checklist where more is better.
When you buy a car do you look for one with a soggy suspension, cracked radiator, leaky brakes but hold off until you got it confirmed the chassis is REALLY rusted all the way through?
This guys got enough issues to fill an entire mental ward, get rid of him. The fixer-upper boyfriend never works out.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2009): Im sorry but the answer is: you will just have to wait and see.
If it is over then take your time and let yourself get over the relationship.
But if he does come back then you just might have found your soulmate.
It is important that he comes back to you on his own though, if you call and call, you might get him back but it will be the beginning of the end
I hope this all works out
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